growing.up.

adoration

2012-02-08T15:04:00.003-06:00

There are moments that I cannot contain my adoration. It catches me off guard; in a moment of silence, in a moment of chaos, in a moment of study. My heart stops, my spirit surges, and I feel Him. I feel Him engulf me. His Spirit renew me. His presence so tangible, so overwhelming. It scares me sometimes, this involuntary surge of romance. My knees tremble, my hands shake. I panic for a moment thinking that I may not be-able to control my emotions. I am transported to a reality beyond my understanding. It's a split second. A momentary glimpse of My Father.

The moment passes. The laughter from the office upstairs cuts into Our Moment, the to-do list comes to the front of my mind, the chill of the air reminds me that I forgot my coat. The moment passes. I hold on to the residue of His glory. Reliving that momentary revelation, trying to remember the exact beat of my heart, the exact thought in my mind.

My God is good. He is so good.

I am currently working on 2 projects. A study through Malachi for my connect group, and a background document for an upcoming preaching seres. I've thrown myself into work in an effort to avoid the heartache that hits when my mind is silent. He meets me here. His gentle reassuring is unescapable. His letter of love continually pressing into my heart. I love this. I love the academic study of the Word. I love knowing context, literary structure, and discovering exposition. I thrive on it. I crave it. His life, His love, His presence overflows into me- here at my desk, surrounded by commentaries and lexicons and dictionaries- it is here, in this moment that I am falling more in love with Him.

Life has not been easy. This season has held challenges and pain unlike any-other and I find myself crawling to His feet, praying that He would align my will to His; trusting in his sovereignty. Asking Him to help me accept what is in front of me, to let go, to move on... even when all that is in me begs to hold on just a moment longer. I pray for the courage to trust in His timing and His best for me, knowing that He will speak when the time is right.

His love overwhelms me. He shows no favoritism, spares no pride. He refines, rebukes, restores, reassembles, and revives. He gives us the courage to risk, to speak, to grow, to forgive. He makes the ugly beautiful...transforms pain into comfort and tears into relief. I am astounded, amazed, lost in His continual goodness.

But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in it's wings.

Here goes nothing.

2012-01-19T09:50:00.004-06:00

I've been meaning to write for a while. I am afraid that in my effort to be eloquent and perfectly articulate I have allowed this poor blog to go stale. Not that I believe in New Years resolutions or anything, but I have decided to change this. My heart and my head are too full of thoughts and ideas not to have an outlet, a release for the complex, semi-dramatic, simple yet fulfilling thoughts on this life I live. Or, at least I'd like to think so.

So, here goes nothing.

I don't like change. I know this. I've lived this. Yet, I seem to forget it the moment my world begins to shift. I like change to be slow, thoroughly anaylized, and I like to be in control. But I am not in control. In fact, without fail, the moment I seize the reigns and exert my self-appointed authority, my world which only had the facade of chaos, becomes...well...chaotic.

So, I am choosing to let go. Choosing to allow the One who knows all things, Who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love, to teach me, change me, mature me, to draw me closer.

I had a spontaneous Whole Foods dinner with two wonderful friends last night. And after a discussion of my ever repetitive love life, I drove home asking my Father to make real the freedom He has shown me. In moments of clarity, in the moments where things "click," and I think, "Yes, that is it, there is the freedom." I ask Him to make that foundational. To make the Truths a reality. To bring more freedom, more healing, more strength. And, He does.

2012 has many changes in store for me. I find myself longing for a stability in the midst of all this change, and mourning the ones I have lost. Yet, I choose to cling to Him. Even when my arms crave to hold on to flesh, I choose to remember that He clothed himself in Flesh. He is my constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Great is his Faithfulness.

Sweet Home, Small Town.

2011-11-16T15:40:00.014-06:00

There is something poetic about Fall. Something romantic. The vibrant leafs, the brisk chill of sunshine, the musky smell of earth; it's a season that beckons change, calls for response. In this season, in my life, the God of the Universe has called me to change. To allow His Spirit to change the colors of my soul, to release my small dreams, to allow His Son to warm me when the chill of familiarity is too much to bare.

I was raised in small-town Southern California; Where nothing ever changes and nothing really stays the same. Vocabulary is tainted with likes, totallys, and dudes, silicone and acrylic are necessities for survival, and 60 degree weather calls for downcoats and hats. My world has so drastically changed. My being, my personhood, so radically transformed by the Saving Grace I so desperately need. The home I once ached to leave has become foreign. The back roads I could once navigate with my eyes closed have become 6 lane highways, and the households I call family have multiplied and are being filled with the precious laughter of promise.

I found myself weeping and scrambling to find the cheesy christian radio station as I drove down roads with stagnate familiarity, asking my Father to remind me of who I am, not who I was. It was then that He reminded me that this is always who I have been because I have always belonged to Him. He is my authority, He is my shepherd, My Father, My King; it is His Grace that captivates my heart and continually transforms my soul.

I sat in the middle of familiarity, holding two little unfamiliar faces, captivated by His Grace. His Grace to love us individually. His Grace to know us personally. His Grace to grow us separately and yet be bonded by unity.

It is His Grace that calls for change. It is His Grace that calls my mind to be transformed; calls me to see the familiarity as promise, the chaos, as a storm calmed at His command, and the broken, as hearts He pursues.

As the city lights came into view my senses were greeted by the evidence of a true mid-western fall, and I was again captivated by His Grace. His Grace to allow me to live in this place, at this time. To be apart of this family, breathe this air, love these people, and advance His Kingdom in this city.

Tuesday we celebrated the New Life of 5 precious people. Each person, lowered and raised in that tiny pool, evidenced the work of the Authentic King. My eyes sting and my heart aches at the thought. The realness of His love; the freshness and hunger of new belief took my breath away.

It is Him who does it all. It is My Savior that asks for change and then provides the strength to do so. It is Him who calls us to faith and then gives us measure upon measure. This Fall is His. This Season belongs to Him. The whimsical falling leafs cannot compare to The Romance of His continual pursuit. I am lost in His Praise. I am abandoned to His Grace.

32551

2011-10-12T07:55:00.007-06:00

Before you read this, you should read this old entry.

I don't know if I possess the words needed to describe last weekend.

Since I moved to Chicago in January of 2007, God has done amazing work in my life. 10,000 blogs would not contain the glory due His name because of my life.

The last 4.5 years came to a conclusion on 10/9/11

Mile 3.5

When I moved to this city I had no idea what God had in store for me. I had my own ideas, my own dreams, but they were mere fleeting thoughts in comparison to His desire for me. My dreams were too small, my desires too trivial, my ideas too finite. God has reshaped my identity, my desires, my dreams.

Quick Stretch

I never would have imagined this for myself. Again, and again, God has shown me that my life is not my own, and the plans He has for my life are so much greater than the ones I've made for myself.

Mile 11.5

Who I am, is who He created me to be. Not that I am perfect, or have grown to full capacity; but, I am no longer broken or frail, a small dreamer, or a settler.

This race was the completion of a work that was started a long time ago. It is a new beginning.

Mile 21

He is so faithful to me. He has always been faithful to me.

Mile 26, I could see the finish line.

I don't have to have it all together. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to try and fake it. He is real, He is perfect, He has it all together. And, I belong to Him.

My amazing support team

I don't know what my life holds. I am walking step by step in the rhythm that He has placed inside me. I am not afraid of the unknown, because He is my safety, He is my rock, He is my strength.

My God is good.

Seattle Adventures.

2011-04-29T17:51:00.005-06:00

I have fallen in love with Seattle. I am not sure why; may have been the lush green landscape, the winding roads, or the amazing coffee, but I have the strong inclination that it was because some of the people I love most are there.
I spent 6 wonderful days over the Easter holiday with my Bravenec family. It had been close to a year and a half since we had spent any time together and so some quality time was long overdue.
We spent our time drinking coffee, eating ice cream, watching Friday Night Lights, wrestling, playing Star Wars, and snuggling.
Last time I saw Elliot he was only a few months old. I loved having the opportunity to love on him and experience his adorable personality. "no, no!" I got up with the boys in the morning and spent some much needed quality time reading stories and making forts.
And... One of the best parts of my trip was soaking up some good snuggles with this little beauty. Miss Sunday Adeline; I have been waiting to get my hands on her for the last 8 weeks, and enjoyed every moment loving on her.

Friendship amazes me. I am so blessed to have this wonderful family in my life. Willy and Ali kept me sane for the majority of my teenage years - or at least they put up with my insanity- and I am so excited for them in this next season of life.

And while Chicago is the land of my heart, there will be many more visits to the green city in the future.

Future Things.

2011-04-05T15:42:00.003-06:00

Last Sunday I sat at Debs kitchen counter and just talked as she cleaned the floor around me (per usual). As I talked I felt my heart fill with the hope and expectation that seem to have been lost somewhere in the process of going from Moody student to wine drinking adult. I couldn't help but smile and allow my heart to be expanded as I realized what I was made for.

February 29th 2004 was the day my heart stopped beating and a new heart began pumping new blood through a body that no longer belonged to me. Since that day my being is spent seeking the glory of the one to whom all glory belongs. I have been broken, stretched, strengthened, and restored and in that time my soul has only longed to love Him more. To abandon more of who I am to who He is. I have given my heart to the Lord, and He has placed it in the Church.

I love the local Church.

I want to spend my life serving the Bride. I want to be used as a vessel of healing, maturity, and wisdom for the Body that I dwell in.

I had the opportunity to teach to a small group a week or so ago. I chose Psalm 130. As I spent time researching, meditating, and organizing, a passion that has been dormant for quite sometime came into a full blaze. I come alive when I study and teach the Word. Forgive me if that is too bold of a statement. You know that butterfly-stomach, soapbox-preaching, cannot-shut-me-up-if-you-try feeling that you get, deep in your gut when you know your doing what you were made to do? That is the feeling I get when I am wrestling with scripture, and sharing the outcome of that struggle. I was more excited in the basement of Moody's library then I have been in months. That is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

It is so easy to be caught in the "must-make-money-must-have-a-career-must-not-struggle-financially" mentality. Much easier then I thought... and I am afraid I have fallen prey to the lies on a regular basis. Yet my Savior gentle reminds me He has called me to a life not many live. He calms my fears of being a single woman in ministry, He refuses my hesitation at being too young, too wounded, or too bold. He equips me with the strength to move forward. To stand in the place He has set me and declare "Lord, Use me here!"

Elizabethtown

2011-03-07T13:10:00.010-06:00

I have had a hard time enjoying the little things in life lately, it is hard not to get caught up in the hurt of circumstance, or in the realities that we just can't change. So, in an effort to resolve this, I cut off all my hair, and went on a much needed roommate road-trip with the girls.

Our little escape from the city did my soul good. All three of us seemed to have been at the breaking point, so Kentucky came right in time. I have missed laughing with my best friends, letting my thoughts go free, and being just a little out of the box.

There are so many things I want out of life. So many places I want to explore, people I want to meet, things I want to do. I want my life to be extraordinary. I want to age well, live abundantly and laugh generously. I want to play guitar, be in an art show, run a marathon, go horseback ridding and learn how to surf. I want to cook like no-one's business, drive across the country, climb a really big tree and break a few bones. I want to drink excellent wine, ballroom dance and wear awesome heels. I want to be a business woman, a sultrily wife, a stay-at-home-mom and I want to raise healthy Jesus loving children.

My life is such a gift. Things never turn out like I plan, and thus far I think I have turned out better then expected.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for a Love that is not my own, a Life that has been reborn, a Family with new blood, and endless opportunities.

So, with that said I am going to take my new haircut, and now double pieced ears for a run.

26.2 here I come.

11

2011-01-17T18:25:00.008-06:00

I had a brilliant weekend.

I was lazy, and productive. I went shopping and spent too much money. I was a responsible adult and the cool kid in town. I ate good sushi with my best friend. I drank good wine in the comfort of my own home, and I made delicious cinnamon rolls. All this wrapped up in two days. I'd say it was a good weekend.

A lot of life has happened in the last few months. Every moment has been savored and thought over, reflected upon and laughed at, and every moment has been lived. I am currently sitting on the big blue couch, on the second floor of my big blue house, drinking a glass of wine, listening to The National, and waiting until 9:30 to meet some friends at Waterhouse for $3 burgers and beers; a Monday night tradition. I really like my life. (And I'm wearing the cutest outfit ever).

My last day at Starbucks was November 20th. My first day working for the Darby's was December 1st. I am now a full-time Nanny for Superhero MiMi and Mr. Bouncy Mackaroo. I play princess castle, watch woody-buzz, and rescue baby-dolls from who-knows-what. I bounce, I dance, I burp, I fly, I potty train, and I snuggle. All in a days work. I have a pretty cool job. I am continually amazed by God's gracious hand in positioning me for this place. I couldn't ask to work for a better family or play with cooler kids.

My new occupation has taught me how to dance to Yo-Gabba-Gabba, fit a doublewide stroller though almost any door and make a mean peanut butter sandwich. But, with my new knowledge there has also come a plummet in my vocabulary and ability to maintain intellectual conversation for more then 5 minutes. So, after having a minor breakdown about my dying scholastic standing, I have decided to start reading through the classics. While the kids are napping or if we have a do-nothing-but-sit-in-our-pajamas-and-watch-woody-buzz day, I read.

So far it is this:

Dracula (done)

Utopia

The Brothers Karamazov

The Picture of Dorian Gray

Frankenstein

Confessions

Ana Karenina

The Inferno

I am quasi reading through deRosset's Forbidden Language in the Novel class list... but not really. My little thinking head is already back at work.

This life is sweet. I have made new friends, gotten closer to old ones, and lost myself in the beauty of relationship and honesty.

My Savior is good to me. I went to a prayer meeting last week and felt the weight in my heart as He continued to remind me to cast all of my anxieties on Him, because He cares for me. How I long to stand before His face and join in the laughter as humanity discovers how silly we all have been. He delights in the things that delight me. How precious, and how beautiful I am in His sight... I am continually lost in the extravagance of His pursuit, of His romance, and of His grace.

Oh, and my dad bought me an AWESOME new winter coat for Christmas.

Big Blue House

2010-11-22T17:00:00.006-06:00

I love my apartment. And my roommates.

Our Blue House.

This is actually the coat closet, the front door is the little sliver the right. The kitchen, the downstairs bathroom, and the office are also to the right, but you can see a little sneak peak of our library.

Our awesome living room. I made the curtains :)

The other side of the living room. Andrea's parents brought up some wonderful furniture for us to use, and I found that huge mirror at a thrift store for $40.

We have a massive kitchen.

That we painted red.

Beautiful kitchen table that was given to us.

Yes, we have a dishwasher.

The Office (my desk)

Andrea's Desk

The Library, and the most fun (and most cold) staircase in the world (or maybe just Chicago)

The treehouse. I made us all super hero capes for Mariah and I's Superhero Birthday party this summer, now they serve as the perfect wall-decor. Oh, yes and that is Molly my hamster on the right.

The rest of the treehouse

And, our bedroom. Yes, we all sleep in the same room, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Tornados

2010-09-10T19:08:00.003-06:00

You know the scene in Twister where Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton are in the really big tornado? The one where they almost blow away, but smart Mr. Tornado man anchors them to pole with his belt? Yeah. Well that's my life as of late.

Life is swirling around me threatening to swallow me whole and the only thing that is keeping me anchored is this belt, and this Man who loves me.

Keeping my eyes focused on the only One who deserves my breath is difficult. Seemingly impossible sometimes. This world has opened wide to me, enticing me, and taunting me. I feel as if I must deny my heart and my mind and stake all my desire on what I know is Truth.

I get caught in this cycle of legalism and fear that cripple me, and make it nearly impossible to function. My mind is consumed by the thoughts of what I am capable of, what I could possibly do, and I am reminded that He is the only thing good in me. It would seem as if when I feel like I am most in darkness, it is then that He shines His light only to reveal what was already there. He is pruning, digging, revealing, healing, and ever going deeper into this broken vessel making me whole; making me His.

The amount of life I spend living outside of His grace is amazing. It is not me who holds myself up-to-par, but Him who is ever ready to catch me when I try on my own. He is always there, ready to welcome me into His lap, to hear my exciting news, to answer my pleas for help, and to dry my ever flowing tears.

How normal my life is, yet how incredibly extraordinary. I live a life to honor a King. A King who calls me Daughter. The Hound of Heaven who never leaves me to my own devices, who is always Lord, even in my wandering.

Last night, after about five weeks of serious dramatizing, questioning, and hopelessness; My Dad spoke. He told me that it is Him who holds me, that I am worth far more then many sparrows. He told me that struggle is normal, and dismantled the lie that I always have to have my head on straight. He told me that I can just be me. He died so that I could live free. He told me that He is Lord of my wandering, He showed me who I am, and what He has been teaching me. He showed me how the tornado was really just a green screen and how all along I was safe in His hands. He reminded me that I always belong to Him. He is always my Dad. And He is always my King.

There is usually some-sort of soundtrack to my ever changing seasons. This is it as of late.

you are good, you are good, when there is nothing good in me.

you are love, you are love, on display for all to see

you are light, you are light, when darkness closes in

you are hope, you are hope, you have covered all me sin

you are peace, you are peace, when my fear is crippling

you are true, you are true, even in my wandering

you are joy, you are joy, you're the reason that I sing

you are life, you are life, in you death has lost it sting

I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms

the riches of your love will always be enough

nothing compares to your embrace

light of the world forever reign

you are more, you are more, then my words will ever say

you are Lord, you are Lord all creation will proclaim

you are here, you are here, in your presence I'm made whole

you are God, you are God, of all else I'm letting go

words

2010-06-02T08:24:00.006-06:00

Finding the words to describe my current state is difficult. There have been so many changes in the past few weeks that I have found myself having to consciously put one foot in front of the other, and remind myself each step of who I am, and Whose hand I am in.

I now live in a home. Not a dorm room, or a campus apartment. I pay rent, and utility bills. I live in a home. A Big Blue House with my two best friends.

I am a college graduate. Not an almost graduate. Not nearly done. Done. I walked across that stage in a goofy looking hat nearly three weeks ago. I am still surprised that I didn't faint, or cry, in front of 3,000 people.

I am not busy. I don't really know what it is like; not to have a million things to do. I am still undecided on my exact feelings towards this reality. I like having stuff to do. I like feeling productive. But, then again my worth is not dependent on how much I can manage to produce.

I love my Savior. I am consistently consumed by the realities of his love. He works for me. He delights in me. He desires me. I fall trap to the belief that I must somehow manipulate or bribe Him to see me, help me, talk to me. These lies have been broken over the cinder block of tangible testimony and blessing. He hears, He sees and He responds. He is my audience, and He is my God.

Leaving Moody was hard. I am happy to have accomplished what I did; I have loved my eduction. I enjoy and thrive on the academic study of the Word, I flourish when wise professors push me to dig deep, to understand, and to wrestle with topics I would much rather avoid. I am so thankful for where I have been the past four years and how Moody has forever shaped who I am and who I am going to be.

I don't really know what is next. My need to get education out of the way to "start my life" has vanished. Life happens in these moments, and I plan on savoring ever second of it. Nursing is in the cards, yes. But God has not spoken. I don't know exactly what I am supposed to do next. I know that my passion and my desire is to serve the local church, so that is what I am doing. And that is what I will continue to do for the rest of my life.
When we moved into the new place I went through a gigantic stack of notes, cards, encouragements, and other words that have been given to me throughout the past four years. The all had common themes. It is comforting to hear the same words proclaimed over me time and time again... even if I struggle to see those categories in myself.
Jeremiah is home, and the delight he brings to my heart surpasses logical understanding. I love that he is here, that he lives 10 minutes away, and that I can sit on the porch and have a beer with him at 3 o'clock in the morning, or that he is willing to watch 4 movies in a row with me, when nothing else sparks my interest.
So, this is where I am at. This is my life at the moment. I love it. I love the God I serve, the people he has placed in my life, and the person he has made me to be.

10 Days

2010-03-23T19:21:00.003-06:00

For the past 10 days I have been traveling around the South West with my best friend. It has been an adventure like none-other and I couldn’t help thinking that this is what being young is about; going out super late when you have class the next day, having intimate conversations in the midst of 100’s of drunk people, eating tons of chocolate, attempting to do yoga in the middle of the living room, traveling 10 hours with 5 people in a tiny car to be at a wedding so Mariah could catch the bouquet. It was all so wonderful and amazing. I was strangely comfortable wherever I was. I loved New Mexico and I loved Texas. I loved being with Mariah’s family; hiking with her Dad, sharing towels with her little brother and watching her mom chug vinegar. For one of the first times in my life my heart was mobile. Now, please don’t get me wrong, I love Chicago, I love my family in Chicago and I am busting at the seams to see that beautiful skyline… but, for the past 10 days I was more then okay. I was independent, and it felt nice. I made new friends, strengthened old ones, and danced with a really handsome guy at Emily’s wedding. I was young and single and happy.

In less then 2 months I will be a Moody Alumni, no longer a college student and no longer half of an adult. In less then 2 months I will be paying rent, and electric bills, and traveling everywhere on my bike to cut commuting costs. I still have moments of panic, moments when I have no idea how I will manage financially, moments when I am scared out of my mind doing this seemingly alone. But, then there are moments like this. Moments when I am content, moments when I know that My Father takes care of me, moments when I have no fear, and no anxiety. These are the moments I will choose to live in.

I spent a lot of time in Starbucks the past 10 days. Mariah was still in school, so while she was in microbiology or physics, I camped out at the local S-bux and did whatever I wanted (not exactly the best choice as my HUGE senior seminar paper due on Friday). I read through a few of the Minor Prophets one morning, I cried as I read through Malachi. Our God is faithful and loving, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. This semester God has revealed so many mind-blowing characteristics about Himself; I crave more. I want to know Him more. Researching for this paper (the previous mentioned Senior Sem. one) has opened my mind and my heart to aspects of God’s Heart that I once so willingly ignored. I will no longer compromise the character of God for my own comfort. Some questions are hard to answer, and some answers are hard to accept. But, HE IS GOOD. HE IS FAITHFUL. HE IS LOVE. The King of Kings and the Lord of Hosts has my name written on His hands. That makes the world okay. I am okay with mystery; I’m okay not knowing why things are not all right all the time. I don’t know if I am making sense or not, maybe I’ll post my paper when I finish… that may shed light on my thought process the past few months.

On our way home from San Antonio, Mariah and I found this really awesome radio station that played local non-cheesy Christian music (I think). One of the songs had a bridge in it that said “Awake my Soul, You were made to meet your Maker.” We were made for our Maker. I pray that your Soul would be awakened to the reality of the craftsmanship within you. I pray that you would see the acute details of your humanity, those that Your Maker made specifically in you. I am thankful for my story. My life has not been easy, taking responsibility for who I am NOW is hard sometimes; yet I praise Him who counted me worthy to bear these wounds, that I might be used in the hands of the Healer to awake the Souls of others.

Thank you my Savior. Thank you for Your Blood for I may enter boldly, Thank you for your sacrifice for I live as a living sacrifice unto you. Thank you for your mercy for I have been made new. Thank you for your death for now I may live, Thank you for the pain, for the surgery, for the process, for I now stand whole and complete in You.

University Ave.

2010-03-15T11:07:00.003-06:00

I'm in New Mexico. The best part so far is that Mariah is here, and being here means that I get to be with my Best Friend. Ri and I sat in bed last night and typed out our week. literally. Today is: class for her; Starbucks for me, finding an awesome birthday present for my mom, going to lunch somewhere fun, and painting our nails.

I like it here. Las Cruces reminds me a lot of undeveloped southern california. Like the smallish town I grew up in. The weather has been nice (minus today). Yesterday was Mr. Savages birthday and we went on a 3 mile hike. It was beautiful and quiet and refreshing. I realized that I miss land, and sky and hills. I have a few war wounds on my hands from those bushes full of spikes, and the amount of dirt that came off of me is slightly disgusting, but it was great.

Friday we are driving to Texas for Emily and Jesse's wedding, should be amazing. I'm excited for the week ahead. I'm taking pictures, I'll share them soon.

Train Rides

2010-02-14T20:02:00.002-06:00

I went on a walk this afternoon with the intention of going somewhere, journaling, reading, and just being. I needed some air, some alone time, and some thinking room. I ended up on the red line headed who-knows-where in an attempt to be alone with me Savior. God likes to speak to me on the train, so I figured I would try to hear his voice in the chaos of the late sunday afternoon CTA. Phil Wickham was on repeat, the train started to fill, and my heart started to break. The drag queen sitting across from me, the young man looking for love in all the wrong places, the homeless man who has to find somewhere to sleep in this bitter cold, the young man with a severely deformed ear, the sweet Jewish family with their kippahs and tzitzis. I want them to know Jesus. I want to tell them about Jesus. I want the chained to be set free, the broken to be put back together, the deaf to hear, the lame to walk. I want people to fall in love with Jesus.

I ended up in Evanston in search of this little cafe that got an excellent review in the RedEye. I couldn't find it. I walked around for a little under a half hour and when I couldn't feel my feet anymore I headed back to the train. I think I was the only single person on the train. It made my heart hurt. I want Him to fill me, I am only satisfied in Him.

Halfway home I noticed multiple Firetrucks and Police cars next to the Bryn Mawr station. My train car stopped right in front of a crowd of people being shooed away by police and firemen. The lights went out, one of the firemen had a crowbar, and I watched as a team of firemen pulled a man from under the train. His head was bleeding, they cut his clothes, and then they carried him away on a orange stretcher and my train continued moving.

The world is full of pain. My heart hurts. I don't understand people, situations, I don't understand myself half the time. All I know is that His peace makes me whole. He makes me whole. When He is silent, I ask that my ears my be tuned to hear His booming voice. When He seems far off, I ask that His arms would warm me as I fall asleep.

I crave more of my Savior. I want Him and only Him.

He wants me.

?

2010-02-04T19:51:00.003-06:00

I don't take pictures anymore. So sorry for the disappointment, but my compulsive need for documentation has seemed to silence itself. So, instead of looking at pictures of my extraordinary life, you get/can choose to read about it.

Today was a long day. A 8.5 hour shift on minimal sleep has left my head in a state of mush. It's Founders Week; Mark Jobe was awesome on Tuesday night. It is very bitter sweet. This is my 5th founders week and I am ready attened because I want to not because I am required to.

Francois Botes came to Chicago last weekend and ministered at Church in the City. I sat in awe as my family was ministered to and stretched in a million wonderful ways. I was overwhelmed by how much God loves His church, and How intimately He touches the individuals in my local body. Oh, man. So wonderful.

I am a little overwhelmed with school and life and the glorious yet completely terrifying reality of May 15th. For the past year or so I have been looking forward to nursing school, I want it, and I think I would be good at it. That has been the plan. But, as the time draws near to start acting on my dreams, my heart has been weakened. When I search my heart and ask "Lacy, What do you want to do?" The answer is on the tip of my tongue: Serve the local church. The Body of Christ is my passion. I want to see people come to the Lord, I want to see chains broken people set free, lives changed. I want to spend my life doing THIS. What I am doing right now. I want to study the Word of the Lord, and build relationships, be available for relationships. Yet, I want to have something to offer. Nursing is a key to the nations, will give me the opportunity to minister to and pray for the sick. Ah! I wish God would open the skies and tell me what to do. It was so easy coming to Moody. God basically spoke verbally, it was so clear what I was supposed to do, but now...Now, I am in this place of in between. Christ is my first love, the Church is my second. I don't know.

My heart is a bit heavy tonight. I miss Mariah, I miss Sarah.

Oh, man.

Pray for me. I'm a little fuzzy at the moment.

2010-01-20T15:44:00.003-06:00

I love my education. I sat in Minor Prophets today and was so grateful for my mind, for how it has developed and matured. I am thankful for critical thinking skills; for the ability to sort though, comprehend and apply knowledge. I love the mind that God has given me.

I'm writing a Biblical Theology paper for my senior seminar class. It is fairly open ended and I have been wrestling with what to write on for the past week or so. I want to write on something that means something to me, something that matters, something that I can keep with me. I thought through a few options, got some advice from my wiser brothers and sisters and finally decided on a topic.

I will be writing on the Biblical Theology of Sexual Trauma and Healing.

My preliminary thoughts are to start in Leviticus, move to Tamar, the concubine in Judges 19, possibly mention Rahab and Gomer and then conclude with The Woman Caught in Adultery and Samaritan Woman at the Well.

I spend a good portion of the morning in the library reading through Judges 19 with the intention of feeling the story, not just reading it. I've been thinking about it ever since. This concubine (not wife) was gang raped, and then crawled to the door-step of a random house seeking the man she had just run from and died. Her master then cut her into 11 pieces and mailed a different part of her flesh to the tribes of Israel. As a result Israel gathered together to purge the evil from within (it was the tribe of Benjamin who raped her). Israel sought God and fought. Over 50,000 men died. This act of evil moved the Lord. His warriors carried out His judgment, carried by His words. And, it wasn't just the bad guys that died.

This got me thinking.

Do we, as the Church, take evil with-in our midst this seriously. Are we willing to risk life for the sake of holiness? When God says "fight," do we continue to fight although it looks as if we are losing? Even if men are dying?

All of me wants to say yes, but I don't know.

Then Tamar... She is raped by her half brother (David's son) and then left to live out a desolate life in her other brother's house. Where is the redemption? I tried to find something, anything (mind, it has only been a day) but I cannot seem to find redemption. Where is her soul care? Where is her justification?

I went to Job.

Where was I when the heavens and the earth were created?

It is going to be a hard paper to write.

In other news I have been enjoying the wonderful things of life.

Yesterday was amazing.

I love genuine, heartfelt, real friendships. The friendships you feel deep inside, the joyous heartache that occurs when intimate communion takes place. It is almost like you can feel God knitting hearts together, and the ache of the surgery lingers. I wanted to cry, but they are good tears, yet it hurts. How do you explain this? It is so good.

I have people in my life that know me and love me. That see me, really see me and love me. This is the will of the Lord.

There is no rational reason why I should be where I am based on where I was. Thank you Lord for cardboard and testimonies to put on them.

Our prayer meeting was at New Life church in LakeView, I was overwhelmed by the Fathers heart for the unity of His bride.

The most exciting news of all:

Chicago is now officially the future home of the entire Fab 4

Thats right

not only is Mariah moving back

Sarah is TOO!

Life is exciting. Somedays I am really excited for this upcoming new season of semi-real adultness, and other times I am deathly afraid. Right now I just kinda want to take a nap.

.

2010-01-14T18:23:00.001-06:00

I am overwhelmed with life.
I wonder who I am sometimes. I wonder where God uses me, why He uses me.
I just fall deeper in love with Him when my mind attempts to fathom how great His love is for me.
I can't explain it. The less I understand, the more my heart seeks to glorify him.
He is the answer to our suffering
The relief from our pain
the cause of our hope
and the giver of all good things
This is my God.

I started my last semester at Moody this week.
18 credits
It's going to be a hard one
I haven't slept in three days
I have bags under my eyes

I got some bad news
I cried
I'm still trying not too

I'm broke
Books are expensive
I got scheduled 4 hours this week

Sometimes I don't understand how life always seems to work out.

I moved into my new apartment, with new roommates
I love them
I made dinner in my new crockpot Monday night

I made some new friends.
I caught up with some old ones.

This is life. This is my life.
Overseen by my God.
By my Dad.

Sometimes there are moments when my heart is bursting within me.
I want to get away
I want to be alone
I want to sing to My God

Sometimes there are moments when my heart is bleeding within me
My soul hurts
I want comfort
I want answers
I want My God

I live life. I am human
I am good by His Grace and that is all.
I am used by His grace and that is all.

My great Father, thank you for your everlasting love. thank you for your great kindness
for your goodness, for your gentleness. Thank you that you are who you are. That your heart is consistent and never changes
thank you that you have given your Word that we might know you more. Thank you for your forgiveness when we ascribe to you false characteristics and false ideals. My Father you are great and you are good. You violently pursue your children. Thank you that you never let go. Thank you for never leaving us to our own devices. Thank you for dying, thank you for not staying in the grave, thank you for not staying in heaven. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for being bigger then me. Oh, Father thank you for homesickness, and heart ache. Thank you for the pain that I might live. Thank you for the tears that I might weep with you. You are great. Your mercies never end. Let my lips never cease to sing of your great love. Let me always proclaim that You are God.

Classes:
Senior Seminar -Peterman
The Gospel of John - Gray
Wellness - Dunn
Apologetics -Johnson (I told him A-bomb said hi)
Minor Prophets Howard
European Reformations- Quiggle

sad.

2009-12-08T17:29:00.003-06:00

Erin told me that I haven't updated my blog enough this semester.

I'm going to attempt to make up for it.

I need a break from papers.

Let me tell you what is on my mind.

I have been dreaming a lot lately. Not really prophetic dreams, but revealing, inward dreams. God is bring stuff up that I need to deal with and it scares me a little. I went through an intense season of healing, and working though all sorts of crap last year and now I've had a good rest. This semester has been low key and I don't feel like my character is constantly being clawed at... that's nice. I'm entering into a season of probing. Last night I sat on my couch and cried. I cried for myself, for my coworkers, for my family, and for the things that I didn't even know I was crying for. In the midst of it all God asked if He could go deeper. If He could reveal more, expose more, heal more. I said yes. So, here we go. Time to go yet again under the Holy Scalpel.

I received some really sad news this morning. A friend of mine from South Africa passed away due to a motorcycle accident, leaving his wife, children and iZulu Orphan Project behind. I have been crying on and off all day. I spent some time with Chadd and Kate when I was in South Africa a year and a half ago and fell in love with their family and ministry. I'm sad. I'm really sad.

Please pray for Kate and her boys.

I have 7 things due on thursday, none of which are completely finished. I'm ready to be done. I want to be done. I want to go back to South Africa. I want to not be in this place anymore. This place of in-between. I don't really belong anywhere... I mean, Chicago is home, and I have a family at CITC. I have amazing friends. But, I'm not married, I am nobody's top priority, and nobody is mine. It kinda sucks. I want long term companionship. While I know I have a home here in Chicago when it comes down to it, people choose their spouses and their children over me. That's good, that's the way it should be and, although I am selfish, I am not selfish enough to claim that right.

I just have Jesus

I'm sure that is a good thing right now. that's all I really want right now.

See... this is why I have had such a hard time keeping up with this thing this year... I can't put my thoughts down, there are too many. I make no sense.

I want people to fall in love with Jesus. I want to fall more in love with Jesus. All life is vain and stupid without God. He is everything. I do not see the purpose of life without Jesus. There is none. He is all. He is everything.

I'm reading through the Psalms. I have a hard time not crying. I usually do.

I've cried a lot the past week.

The Lord is good to me.

okay...I'm done.

stream of consciousness

2009-11-14T15:26:00.003-06:00

I have the need to articulate.

Somehow, I have become convinced that if words are absent then situations, feelings, lessons, are not real. I am at a point in this journey of faith that an attempt to articulate its greatness would drain the majesty, the glory, from it.

My passionate, pursuing, jealous Lover continually saves my from the voluntary false abandon I throw myself to; from the lovers I crave.

All the other lovers fade away.

All passion, all desire is for Him. Even the evil that at times, tugs at my soul like a child to its' tattered teddy bear brings me to His throne.

I enter with confidence.

I am undone before him. The unraveling string of my soul dances before Him.

Hearts knitted together, a balance of His created beings. Feeling together, communing together, weeping the bitter tears of wordless ache, looking forward, crawling forward, handcuffed together, sharpening each other with communal jabs of a refining holy chisel.

I feel. I am not a drama queen. dont speak that over me. I feel. I love deeply. I hate deeply. I grieve deeply. I laugh deeply. An inherited redeemed trait. I am a feeler in the Kingdom of God, bringing life to the cliche dry bones. Don't box me in, I can do that by myself.

My Jesus, make things real. Real love, real anger, real peace, real understanding. Silicone christianity can kiss my ass. I want raw, scared, sacred beauty. Jesus make me more like you. Strong arms of disciplining grace, father me.

Who I am is Yours.

Oh Lord of mercy ravish me.

4780

2009-09-17T13:56:00.006-06:00

Before you read this, read these old entries.

.25. (number 13)

Ouch

My God is faithful. Sunday, September 13th I ran my first half marathon.

I had planned on writing this long and very detailed account of what happened, from two days before until now. But, that is lame, and boring. I am left praising my Savior. He is so good to me. He is faithful.

Months before I moved to Chicago, God promised me that college was going to be my rehab. He was going to heal me mentally, spiritually, and physically.

Over the past three years I have been delivered, set free, renewed, refreshed, broken and put back together, all so that at this moment I can declare with no reserve that my God is Faithful. The promises that He made to me years ago have been completely fulfilled. For freedom Christ has set me free. He set me free because He loves me. I am abandoned to His praises.

No words could possibly express what this race represented, and no words could possibly convey the joy my soul takes in praising my Savior. How can I ever doubt that He has my good intended? How could I ever doubt that it is Him who sustains me? My God is an awesome God.

Moments of the race were filled with emotion. I would cry as I imagined crossing the finish line, knowing that it is all because of Him. Other times I would laugh, thinking how insane this whole thing was.

Jeremy, Amy, Andrea and Melissa met me at the finish line. I cried. I was overwhelmed, I still am.

My heart would pass a stress test with flying colors, I could most likely out run more then half of the american population. I can tell my doctor I lead an active lifestyle, or take the "active" multivitamin.

I see the beauty God has given me flourish.

My God is an awesome God. He hears those who call upon His name. He sustains those who take refuge in His wings. Mighty is He who saves, Mighty is he who rescues the weary.

So if you would like to see pictures of me running 13.1 miles here you go.

Pictures!

(note: it was 84 degrees that day, and we were running on unshaded asphalt.)

Oh, and my stats.

My time was 2:27:42

that is 11:17 a mile

Life.

2009-09-08T14:04:00.001-06:00

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, it is not too hot, not too cold; There is a slight breeze and a million people in the plaza. Plus, I am wearing my cowboy boots, which makes me happy no matter what the circumstances are.
This is my senior year, crazy. My time at Moody really has flown by so fast. I feel like I just got here, yet I have grown so much in the past 2 1/2 years, that it actually feels like I have been here a lot longer. Strange how life is.
Everything about this year is different. I am on a different floor, I have a different lifestyle, I have my own room, two of my best friends are gone, my schedule is more packed then it has ever been, and the list could just keep going.
I was talking with a friend the other day and I realized that out of all the identities I have in Chicago, being a Moody Student is quickly fading to the back burner. It is an interesting feeling. Chicago is my home now, it has been for awhile. In 9 months, I will no longer live with-in the boundaries of the clock tower, but be in the general Chicago public.

I have had a hard time adjusting. I miss Mariah, I want her to be here. But, I see the fruitfulness of this separation. God is binding our hearts together in a way that could have never happened if we were together every single day.

I miss my floor. I have found it near impossible to get to know the girls on my floor. In all honesty I feel isolated and looked down upon. I am not as enthusiastic about the bro/sis as I once was. The truth is I just don't have time. I want to write an article for the Moody Student titled, "Be Nice to Your Seniors." We have it kinda hard here. A good portion of our friends have already graduated, our class load and work load are heavier then ever, our time is spend studying, working, or cultivating the relationships that we have been investing in for the pervious years. As a result, the underclassmen look down on us as bitter, cynical, or unwilling to "hang out"... at least that is what I thought when I was a freshman... and it is obvious to me now that, that is just not the case.

I love my classes. I know I always say that... but seriously. I love my classes. I want to be an Old Testament Scholar, and if I didn't feel like I was supposed to go to nursing school, I would most likely pursue higher education in Ancient Near Eastern studies. Well, at leas that is the way Mr. Howard makes me think. I am taking the most amazing class on the Psalms. I love it. It is amazing. I never knew I would like listening to someone lecture so much. I am also taking Romans, which is very interesting... yet, difficult to get through because it is at 8 in the morning. Violence and Grace in the Novel, with Dr. de Rosset is another one of my favorites. It is one of those classes that shows me how close minded I am. It's good for me. Race, Poverty, and Social Justice is my last class on tuesdays and thursdays and the title says it all. I am also taking a night class on Wednesday that is the Moody equivalent of Science 101. I LOVE IT. I miss science and math classes. I am far more of a logical a+b = c type thinker when it comes to academics... I just find it easy. I am excited to take general ed classes this summer.

Nothing else is all that new.
I am now a plant lover. Mariah has left me in the care of one of her plants and to my astonishment it is actually flourishing. With this result I got a little adventurous and planted some lavender, that at the moment has 6 little sprouts. I've been taking pictures.

hum... off to study.

727

2009-08-31T20:41:00.002-06:00

My Room.

This rug traveled from California. In my suitcase.

Sink, Kitchen, Desk... all-in-one space

My desk

Cork-borads from freshman year.

New Curtain. Thank you World Market

Space... take note of my little lavender pot on the window

The other corner

My tiny space

Bed risers are a very good thing.

Orange Paint

2009-08-15T16:40:00.002-06:00

my lastest creative endevor

I am back on campus; unpacked and settled.

p.s. my room looks amazing... more pictures to come.

Happy.Heartsore.

2009-08-03T13:40:00.004-06:00

This past weekend was by far the best few days I have had all year. My beautiful friend Sarah said "I do" and I was privileged to be apart of her amazing day. I took the MegaBus down to Cleveland last Thursday and was immediately whisked away to a bachelorette celebration for my girl. She was glowing all weekend. Every time I looked at her, I could not believe how incredibly beautiful she is. Not only is she gorgeous, her heart, and her internal beauty is far greater then anything external could ever portray.
The rehearsal went great, and Sarah got over most of her nervousness after that. We also finally had the opportunity to meet the entire bridal party, and made some amazing new friends.
I did Sarah and Mariah's hair and make-up. I was so nervous, and so relieved that everything turned out beautifully.
These girls mean so much to me. It is so hard to put into words. They are my beast friends, the people that God has placed specifically in my life, people that have changed me forever.
Sunday was hard. And today has been even harder. Mariah, flew back to New Mexico early this morning, and I don't actually know if I have stopped crying since we said goodbye. God is so good. He is so faithful, He put this amazing, wonderful, kind and compassionate woman in my life to teach me lessons I could have never learned without her. We have been through so much over the past 2 1/2 years. She is knitted into my heart in so many ways; my Best Friend Forever.

I am going to miss attempting to wake her up, and being beat up or cussed at as a result... then happily greeted two hours later. I am going to miss breaking rules with her, and ditching open house for Greek desert. I am going to miss singing to her, with her, and galloping down LaSalle St. with her. I am going to miss her amazing brownies. I am going to miss her hugs. I am going to miss laughing with her and all of our inside jokes.

We have so many memories, so many stories, so many laughs, so many tears. I have confidence in our bond. I have confidence in Our Lord, who knit our hearts together. I have confidence that I will stand by this girl as we watch our grandchildren walk down the isle.
I am heartsore. I want a mom hug... and a plane ticket to New Mexico.

God has been continually reminding me of His faithfulness. He has been so faithful to me. In the moments that I don't understand, in the moments that I don't trust, in the moments that I hurt, I will praise Him, because he is faithful, and because he is good.

21

2009-07-28T20:56:00.003-06:00

I love my birthday, I am not one of those people who hate being sung happy birthday to, or dislike getting 40 million phone calls on one day. I love it. I love being reminded that my life is full of people who love me and are glad that I am alive.

I spent my day with the people I love and talking with those that I couldn't be with. I ended up picking some shifts up this week, because Sarah is getting married this weekend (yay!), so I worked at Mandy's store monday morning and was showered with Happy Birthdays from people I barely knew and was sung to during the rush : )

After work, Mandy took me out to lunch and spend some time at my house while I went for a run. I had the best run I have had in a while. God spoke to me so much and just poured his love down on me, and reminded me of how much He loves me, and that HE created me on this day, that HE made me, because HE wanted me. I ran with goose bumps and had the desire to run with my hands raised, but feared I would lose my balance and fall on my face.

That night I went out with the some of the amazing people I am happy to call family. I am surrounded by such amazing, life giving, supportive, Jesus loving people... and I love them.

Mandy, Jamie and I

Michelle and I

Courtney, Sue and I

The last tuesday of every summer month (so not very many), instead of prayer meeting, everyone gathers at the park for some social time. Kathy made me a delicious cake, and everyone sang to me!

I am so thankful for all of these wonderful people in my life. I cannot explain the gratitude I have for them. God is so good, He is so good to his children, He knows exactly what we need when we need it... and he has a sense of humor too.

This song has been speaking to me a lot lately:

I asked you for life and you send your Son to die for me.

I ask you for hope you came in the night and gave me a dream

I asked you for freedom you broke every chain and gave me the keys

I asked you for love never ending and everyday you surround me

and now my faith in you is a mountain that can't be shaken

now my strength is bound in you, it is joy that can't be taken

Grace spills from my lips flowing on to the feet of you my king

you deserve all the love and honor that I can bring

Here is my song

Here is my heart

Here is my love

All for you Jesus

Holy, Holy, Only You are Worthy

- I asked you for life by Kim Walker

Speed Machine

2009-07-15T21:18:00.002-06:00

Check the new ride.

California

2009-07-04T17:37:00.004-06:00

I have been in California for the past two weeks, visiting family and friends and soaking up the sun!

I spend the first few days with Willy and Ali and there 2 1/2 handsome boys! I love this family so much! Ali and I had a girl date and I got a beat down from Boston and JoJo!

I spend Fathers Day with my Dad and little brother. I was so excited to see Chris. He is so big, and has the cutest personality. It is pretty weird to see myself in him, he has my lips and hair color, and a little twinge of my personality. : )

The LTT was amazing! I loved spending time with my Chicago family in California.

Jesi is having a BABY!

T-Man and I stayed with my mom during the LTT. It was much cheaper for us to rent a car and commute to the conference everyday, then for both of us to get our own hotel rooms. He stayed a week after the LTT to hang with me and my crazy friends and family. We had a blast, I loved showing him around my home town and introducing him to al my friends and family. It was the first time that my Chicago world has collided with my California world and it was awesome.

Tommy with our rental car. We got the sweetest little Toyota and a great deal!

This is my hometown!

I head back to Chicago on Monday, and I cannot wait! I miss my family, my routine, and my Mariah.

Study Snacks

2009-05-28T16:34:00.003-06:00

The Nations 3rd largest Whole Foods opened up 1 1/2 miles from when I currently reside. I decided to take a stroll before small group and get some homework done, and what better place then Whole Foods. There is tons of seating, free Wi-Fi and great people watching. (there is currently a three year old throwing a tantrum to my left). So I bought some strawberries, a Mystic Mango Kombucha drink and plopped myself down to write a paper. So, I am going to stop attempting to take cool pictures of myself eating strawberries and get to work. I am sure the guy behind me thinks I am a complete wiredo.

Love.

Craziness

2009-05-20T15:27:00.003-06:00

My life has been non-stop since finals last week. I closed Friday night at the s-bux, Saturday was graduation, so I went to the ceremony and then moved all of my stuff into my summer apartment, Sunday I taught Sunday school and then spent an amazing day with my family (we had a picnic for the Church's 5th birthday), Monday I started 7 1/2 hours of Summer school a day and then to top it off I closed again Monday night at work. Needless to say I am SO EXHAUSTED.

This is what our hall looked like Friday night as everyone was getting ready to leave. INSANE

Sarah graduated! I am going to miss her so much, even though I know I am going to see her in a few months when she becomes a Mrs., it is still odd to think about how different next year is going to be without her... and without Mariah.

Mariah and I moved all of our stuff on carts 1/2 mile down the street to Atrium Village. At first I had a really good attitude about it. I moved 2 loads of my stuff early that morning by myself and it wasn't that bad... then I moved the last two loads that afternoon with Mariah... It was difficult. The last two loads was all the bulky stuff that doesn't fit nicely on a cart and so everything kept falling off. This picture was taken about 2 min. before my mirror shattered all over the sidewalk.

Sunday was the highlight of my week. I LOVE THESE PEOPLE. Seriously. We had so much fun just hanging out and eating.

Jamie and me.

What is a picnic without football?

This is to show the wonderful adult that I am becoming.

I wake up every morning (at least the last 3 of them) and make myself breakfast and lunch for the day.

It is crazy how hungry I get just from sitting in class... but I am slowly, but surely learning how to cook... not that making a turkey sandwich is cooking. : )

Alright. I am going to take a nap before I have to tackle the massive amount of homework for the night.

Nothing Better

2009-05-15T11:53:00.001-06:00

Then running in the rain with my Savior.

almost.

2009-05-09T14:29:00.003-06:00

I am almost done. The "To Do" list is getting smaller. Boxes are being packed... slowly. I am moving into my summer apartment a week from today. I start summer school in 9 days. Oh, the joy. I'm going back to California in 40 days (Beaches here I come)... not to mention working all the while.

By the way, in case you haven't noticed. I am now a grown up.

well, almost.

4.26.2009

2009-04-27T14:10:00.005-06:00

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had all year. There was nothing incredibly extraordinary, or especially noteworthy. But in all honesty, I laid my head on my extra fluffy pillow last night with the biggest smile on my face, and so much joy overflowing in me.

I spend the night before at Michelle's house. We had a girls night. Ate Chocolate. Watched The Holiday. And, just talked about life. You see, the reason I stayed with Michelle was because we signed up to run the Ravenswood 5K together early the next morning.

So, I work up early Sunday morning and ran my first race. Here is the proof.

I ran it in 32:33, I ran faster then I normally do, I guess I was just really excited.

After our race we headed back to the house to shower and get ready for church. We were a bit late, but had a good excuse. Chris and Meryl Wienand were here from Southlands Church in Brea; they have been sharing with us all weekend, so Chris spoke on Sunday as well. It was so wonderful. He painted the gospel in the most amazing pictures from Creation to the Resurrection of Christ. I sat in awe of my Savior. All I could do was thank Him, and praise Him for His goodness, and His Majesty. It was one of those fog-clearing, reminding, and solidifying mornings. After Church I ate the best oatmeal in the world (steel cut oats cooked in coconut milk with toasted coconut and dried cherries on top) with some amazing new friends. I love building relationships. God is bringing the most amazing people into Church in the City and I am so excited to live my life with them. I know that is slightly cheesy, but in all honesty I feel blessed that I get to have such wonderful people in my life (that means you too, Dave... I know your reading : )

After sitting at Lunch for over an hour chatting I came home and slept a little too long. I love Sunday afternoon naps. I woke up, got some homework done, ordered chinese food (yummy!) and hung out with the T-man and some other guys (it was open house).

Thats about it. I told you, nothing too noteworthy; It was just an amazing day.

So, I have decided to live many more like it.

my.friends.are.cool.

2009-04-20T22:37:00.007-06:00

This is what we do.

JSB

2009-04-18T09:08:00.003-06:00

Last night was JSB; Junior/ Senior Banquet for those of you who are not acquainted with the Moody lingo. It is pretty much a college prom with no dancing, but, a really fun opportunity to dress up. The girls and I had fun just being together and making more memories. I was in charge of signing us up... and since I waited until the last minute we got put at a random table with four empty seats. Well, the other six people who were supposed to be at our table never showed, so we ended up having the table to ourselves.

The lighting was aweful for pictures. So, I decided we should have a photo shoot in the bathroom.

We went to Whole Foods and bought some sparking pear juice (yea, for Moody) and bottled Root Beer!

Friends!

Easter in Ohio

2009-04-13T12:40:00.008-06:00

My R.A., Julie, and our brother floor R.A., Tyler live seven miles apart in Ohio. Their families invited our floors out for the long Easter weekend, to relax and have fun. Since I stayed in the city for spring break, I reasoned myself to take the weekend off and join the fun. I am so glad I went. I had a total blast. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

A five hour road trip in a 13 passenger van.

Julie had a trampoline that instantly became our favorite photo prop.

Our new floor sweatshirts.

I am addicted to skip-bo.

Ticket to ride!

Lana and I decided that this is the hottest picture of us. ever.

Julie's house!

Empty corn fields... just for Alison.

The smallest and cutest little book store in "town"

My cowboy brother.

I was horrified when we took this.

We found a field and played in it for a few hours.

Easter egg hunt, we were on teams that had to be touching at all times.

We were 2nd.

us.

Church on Sunday, Julie and I were the only ones who got the "cheer" memo.

ouch

2009-04-08T13:22:00.004-06:00

I only like being hurt when it is convenient. You know, like when I was in high school, and my mom could stay home and take care of me while I vegged on the couch and did nothing all day. It was much easier, and far more enjoyable then getting hurt now, when I am somewhat of an adult with responsibilities; a job, school, a life. See, for those of you who don't know, I have a new love. I love running. Whoa, I know! But, for real; I have always wanted to be a runner, the concept has always been so freeing; I've always wanted to just "go!" Anyways, I decided to aim high and I started building up my endurance last January. I am still not a marathon runner, but maybe next year I will be : ) I really enjoy my little 2-4 mile runs everyday. It gives me an outlet for energy, and I am a bit of an endorphin junky, so it is a win-win. Well, anyways, I am taking this jogging class at moody. I figured if I am running anyways, I might as well get credit for it. So, after Spring Break I started my 7am-8:40am jogging class. I was slightly disappointed that we weren't allowed to just run, but had to follow "programs" and such, given to us by the instructor... Anyways, on and off my right knee has been bugging me since early last month. At one point Tommy prayed for it and I was completely fine... We had a "Fun Run" this morning, which pretty much consisted of running around campus 5 times; It was barely 40 degrees, way to cold to run outside in my opinion. I pushed myself, and had fun. But, I messed up my knee pretty bad. I have been icing it all day, and trying to stay off it, but due to life, that is difficult. So, I am bummed, and my knee hurts.

Other then my new running obsession, life is pretty basic. I could give you a fully blown essay on the amazing things God is teaching me; but Starbucks is calling and I am almost out of time.

I have taken so much joy in my friends lately. Our friendship should be a movie; seriously. We all have our distinct personalities that complement and challenge one another, and we laugh more then any other people I know.

If you enter my room anytime after nine on any given night you will most likely find us like this, only not so posed.

I bought this REALLY cheap hemp yearn from Pearl and we made friendship bracelets, all of which fell off with in a week.

And, Andrea has a new love for prunes, which slightly disturbs me because I associate them with old people... and pooping.

so.good.to.me.

2009-04-01T10:25:00.003-06:00

In my head lately:

He gave me beauty for ashes
and
Joy for my mourning
and
Praise for heaviness
He put a new song in my mouth
and
A crown upon my head
He gave me life forever more

He picked me up
and He turned me around
and He placed my feet on solid ground
Hallelujah Hallelujah.

Now I have
Love
Joy
Peace
& Righteousness
in the Holy Spirit

-Cory Ashbury

"Preach the Gospel without compromise
Practice Kindness without prejudice
Endure injustice without compliant."

-Dr. McDuffee

Mystery

2009-03-28T18:03:00.004-06:00

The past week has been amazing. I couldn't tell you why. At least I don't feel like I could. It's not like I have had some huge epiphany, or anything big like that. I guess you could just say that the clouds are parting and I can see the Sun again.

At random, blessed moments in my life, God has allowed me to feel a smidgin of the love He feels for His children. At multiple times this week I have found myself wondering around campus captivated by the beauty of people and falling in love with perfect strangers. For a moment I see people as the marvelous masterpieces they truly are; a fogged and glossed over version to my sinful eyes, but a version nonetheless.

On my way to work Friday night, I stood on a crowed train and was captivated by a girl around my age. She had on a teal over coat, and her iPod was drowning out the bustle of those around her; minding her own business, most likely daydreaming and completely unaware that I was watching her. (I'm a creep. I know) I saw her as God's child. I imagined her listening to songs of praise about our Savior and attempting to focus her eyes on him after a busy day. I saw her as a sister, as my sister, and as a part of this enormous, yet completely intertwined family. I don't know what it was about her, but I saw My Father in her.

I have found myself at multiple moments, aching to be out of earshot, longing to speak to My Dad, to cry to Him, find my comfort in Him. For too long I have sought the wisdom of others before listening to the words of the Ultimate Counselor. At some moment in the past few months, I have changed; I have become safe in my own head. Praise Jesus.

My dreams have been vivid, and my visions stretching, but I feel the gentle assurance of My King; His hand on my head, anointing, comforting and guiding.

I understand the next year, the next few months, are going to bring changes; changes much larger then I surely expect, Yet I am comforted, yet I have peace, yet I have joy. What a mystery this gospel is.

tears

2009-03-10T16:11:00.003-06:00

I wish I could write a million words to explain the reason my eyes are teary and my heart is heavy laden. But, that wont change anything. That wont make the blind see. That wont remove sin; convict of sin. No, only God can do that. So I will tell him the reason for my tears, the reason I cannot sleep, the reason I continually wish I could wake from this hellish nightmare. He knows. He sees. He will answer. He will be glorified.

.dance.

2009-03-03T16:42:00.001-06:00

I WANT TO DANCE.

HI DAVE!

2009-02-18T08:11:00.001-06:00

HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!

ketchup and candles.

2009-02-10T18:06:00.002-06:00

It was 62 today. I don't think it is possible to have a bad day when the sky is clear and blue and the sun is shining and warms your skin. Today was a good day. I didn't do much. Class, Laundry, Study, the typical. But, the past few days have been so encouraging and fun. let me illustrate.

So, Saturday night Mariah and I were antsy and needed to get off campus, we went to S-Bux and watched people... it was a really weird night. Odd people kept coming in the story or passing by the window. It was Saturday night, and so I guess it is safe to say that most of the odd-ness was due to the fact that we were two blocks from 10 different bars... but it was odd nonetheless. Anyways I had a craving for french fries, so we went to J's and somehow ended up wasting ALOT of ketchup.

So, Monday night I went to a very las minute and spontaneous Phil Wickham show. AMAZING. The electricity was out and so they lit some candles and he played by candle light. AMAZING. It was more of a worship concert, he sang like 4 of his own songs, but it was still so AMAZING. God was so present, it was overwhelming to hear a room full of people completely engaged in worship... man... AMAZING. All I can say.

So, I think laughter is the solution to all problems.

I have amazing people in my life.

.25.

2009-02-04T15:48:00.002-06:00

1. I love finding good study/hangout spots in the city. But, once I have seen more then five Moody students there at the time, I feel the need to move on.

2. I have worked at S-bucks for two years and love it. I actually find massive amounts of joy in being really nice to people and giving high school students free drinks.

3. The one thing I miss the most about California is being able to drive. It is like my secret past time, I use to fill up my gas tank and just drive for hours and listen to music, it is one of my most favorite things to do...

4. I loved Barney until I was 8

5. I was convinced that I was going to Marry Zach Hanson, and for Christmas one year my mom bought me a hat she had embroidered that said I <3 Zach... and I wore it!

6. Green is my favorite color, but my entire family thought it was purple for years because purple is my sisters', my moms', and my grandmas' favorite color.

7. I have a sick addiction to Skip-Bo.

8. I have full-on conversations in my sleep, and my roommate is kind enough to share the absurdities with me when I wake up in the morning.

9. My mom used to make instant coffee every morning, and every morning I would mistake her mixing the coffee, for her making me french toast...

10. When I was young I had to wear my socks inside out because the toe seam would bug me so much I would actually cry....

11. I love watching people. I have stooped to the level of wearing dark sunglasses on the train so that people don't know I am looking at them.

12. I want to adopt, so bad that my heart actually aches sometimes.

13. I wish that I was a runner. I would love to run the Chicago Marathon, but I can barely run a half mile with out feeling like I am going to die... But the freedom of running fascinates me, so I try nonetheless.

14. When I was little I used to spend hours dusting my grandma white rod iron fence with toilet paper.. because I thought it was fun.

15. I took singing lessons for years growing up. I miss singing on a worship team terribly, but age has brought on a pretty bad case of stage fright... at least when it comes to singing.

16. My mom taught at the Middle School I went too, and I was in ASB, so I pretty much got away with everything. Then in High School my sister was a big wig, and I was friends with all the security people, so I could still get away with anything. I once got Katy out of class by saying I needed to interview her for the yearbook... we ditched and went to In-N-Out.

17. I am freakishly on time for everything. I HATE being late and I am usually one of the first people in class. It is slightly obsessive; if someone is two minutes late to meet me I have a hard time not calling and asking where they are.

18. When I start a project, I CANNOT do anything else until I finish it... example: I read the entire Twilight seres in 5 days, and I once stayed up almost all night finding the names and artist for my "unknown" songs in iTunes.

19. I am beginning to realize what an amazing mother I have, I have flashbacks regularly of fun crafts she would do with me, or random ways she would alway make me feel special.

20. I love doing dishes.

21. I have met my best friends in college. : )

22. secretly want to be a hippie, but Willy and Ali told me they would disown me if I start wearing patruli oil... But, seriously.

23. I quit my job at a real estate office to work at Chucky Cheese and be Chucky. : )

24.One day I really want to pull a fire alarm, dye my hair black, have dread locks and gauge my ears... I think I have a bit of a rebel streak in me. (note # 22)

25. I have a farting toy on my bookshelf that I got in a Happy Meal my freshman year at Moody... and that I will most likely have for the rest of my life.

off

2009-01-30T22:25:00.002-06:00

Lately I have been off. It has been a long winter thus far and the cold is getting to me in more ways then one.

I have been oddly homesick today; more homesick then I have been in years. I miss the sun, I miss the beach, I miss the freedom of driving with my sunroof open and singing at the top of my lungs, I miss green, I miss openness; freedom. I started thinking about maybe not staying in Chicago; wondering if I could actually endure this cold-emptiness year after year. The thought of losing myself in massive waves, pretending I'm five again, breathing in salty air, and allowing the sun to warm me to my bones, jealously tempted me to say no.

But, then I remembered that I have nothing in California. My life is here now.

It makes me sad, that, that made me sad.

Missing home isn't the only way I have been off.

It has been a long while since I have been myself. I wept yesterday as I remembered the times I was so full, I couldn't help but overflow; Times that I was so in love with my Savior that every part of me ached to be with Him; Times that I jumped at the opportunity to pray for others, laying hands on them, knowing that it meant something. I miss those times; I long for those times. In the midst of my tears I asked God if I could please be restored to that place once again. He said yes.

I am tired of being angry. I am tired of trying. I am tired of running.

I long to be filled up. I long to be understood. I long to know that I am loved by Him.

On the train home from working this evening, my eyes watered as I began to slowly tell my Savior about the layers of hurt that have been layering on my heart. I know the answers. I know the "Christian" response; but the cliche isn't enough for me.

I know this season wont last. When the clouds part, when the sun comes out again and warms my face, I know that my faith will be stronger, maturer and captivating. At that point I will look back on this moment and laugh, but until then I can't help but cry.

When it rains or it shines on this pillow of mine
I will lift up my head to the sky
So I have chance to see
Where my hope has come from
Know there's nothing that I can't abide

When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand

Send forth Your Light Lord,
And send forth Your Truth
Let them guide me to Your Holy Place
Then will I go to the Altar of God
To my Joy, my Delight and my Strength

When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand

Why are You so downcast o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God
My Savior, my King
My Savior, my King

Currently.

2009-01-18T18:11:00.002-06:00

These are my new favorite songs.

.reading.

2009-01-09T14:01:00.002-06:00

I'm back to school on Monday and moving into the dorms tomorrow. I am excited to get back to routine. I like knowing what I am supposed to be doing and feeling like I actually have something to accomplish. Break was good. I enjoyed seeing family and friends. I ended up staying with Leeann, which was so much fun. I liked having my niece and nephew around and being able to talk to my sister about the random and bizarre things that go through my head. I also had a good time with my Mom, we went shopping and spent some time getting to know each other again over a cup of coffee... that was by far my favorite day. One of the best things about the break was that I got to read what I wanted!!! Leeann has been bugging me for almost a year to read the Twilight books. I refused because 1. I was WAY to busy to actually read for fun and 2. I was afraid that they would be scary or leave creepy images in my head. Well, Treva convinced me to at least see the movie, so I gave in and went with her the day after Christmas. I LOVED IT. Yea, it had it's cheese moments, but it was mostly just this sweet romance movie, so I gave in and started reading them. it took me a day and a half to finish the 500+ pages of the first book

Not even a day to finish the 600 + page second book

A day to read the 600+ pages of the third one (which was BY FAR my favorite)

And 1 night to read the 700+ pages of the last one.
Needless to say I did my share of reading over break
:)

So... after I finished reading all four of them, OF COURSE I had to go see the movie again. So Gweny and I went on a girls date and sat go-go eyed looking at this.....

Seriously, could you blame me. Rob Pattinson is my new Hollywood crush... not like I had an old one.
Anyways.. now I am on to reading Wuthering Heights... I finished about half of it and I would really like to get it finished before school starts and all hope is lost.
: )

I really do love reading. It is my escape and my adventure in so many ways. It is like every few months this hunger in me for imagination and adventure gets ignited and I MUST read. Twilight is still in third place next to my all time favorite Perpetua (by Amy Peterson... read it!) and The Great Divorce (by C.S. Lewis... of course) but Stephenie Meyer is definitely a new favorite for most of American Youth and I HAd to get in on that action.. I wasn't disappointed.

Now it is back to theology and text books...

Christmas Pictures.

2009-01-09T13:53:00.002-06:00

For your enjoyment.

The Traditional matching outfit picture

Secret: I fell off the back of the couch as this was being taken.

Big Sister

Both Sisters.
(Notice Treva's European influence)

My little Boo!

.accomplishment.

2008-12-18T17:21:00.003-06:00

I'm done, I'm done, I'm done...
until January.
I kind of feel like I was in a car that was going 100 miles an hour and has suddenly stopped... my body has yet to catch up... I just don't know what to do with myself.
I moved into Kate's yesterday afternoon. Jamie came over and watched some movies with me. that was fun.
I go home in less then a week... I'm a bit nervous, a bit scared, but still excited.
Worked with Russ today. I love that man. He is so funny.
7 inches of snow tonight.
I need snow boots.
Andreas birthday was Monday. We went the Zoo. It is very likely that we were the only people there. It was fun.
here are pictures

.

Now. I'm waiting for small group to start and killing time, guess where.... Starbucks.

Random lesson: Tuesday night I was avoiding studying for my Spanish final at all costs... I don't remember half the stuff I did, but I thought a lot. I thought about my life, and what God is teaching me. I have come to realize that I can hear God's voice pretty easy, and we frequently have these silent conversations. Well, Tuesday we had a conversation. I was feeling, jealous, alone, stranded in an identity crisis, and wondering why in the world I was important to God, who has tons of people that are important too him. God spoke,
"Lacy, do you want me to do this?"
I gave the typical Christian response, "Yes Lord, of course."
"Then stop trying to do it by yourself."
I quickly shut up.
I am still a little unsure of what "this," is... but I assume He is referring to life in general.

I had a crazy dream a few weeks ago... I wont go into the detail but, in part of it... the people that I would normal expect to be there for me, ignored me and forgot about me in a time of my deepest need for comfort. I was left to handle the deepest trauma on my own, with the care seemingly of no one. This dreams been bothering me a lot lately , and I am not sure why?

I am reading Strengthening Yourself in the Lord by Bill Johnson, and just finished the chapter on the importance of finding all your strength in God.

I think all of these things correlate.

I NEED GOD. I NEED MY SAVIOR.

I'm walking into a battle field, and I need HIM to arm me, to fight through me. But that requires surrender on my part, and right now I don't feel like I have the strength to surrender. Tears would be good right about now. But, seeing as how I am in a public place... they would be unwelcome.

Ah.

God will teach me. He always does.

after my little conversation with God on Tuesday, he gave me a picture/sense that I was moving from a place of thickness and heaviness into a time of lightness and fruitfulness. I sensed that this next season will be long, good and life changing. I just need to hang on till I get there.

Christmas is soon!

2 down. 3 to go

2008-12-15T15:45:00.003-06:00

school is wrapping up and I am so excited for this semester to be over. It has been a long and hard semester, but I am already reaping the benefits of hard work and what ever discipline I actually had. One thing that I have come to realize is that I am incredibly grateful for my education. Seriously, I know that it is a little cheesy, but, I can honestly say that I have learned so much in the past four months. In preparation for finals and papers I have been able to put my intellect and intelligence to use and realize that I received some of the family brains as well. It has been challenging, and stressful, and a bit consuming at times, but I have had an amazing semester. All of my classes have challenged me and have caused me to stretch myself in ways I have never been stretched before. I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I feel... smart, intelligent, fully capable of accomplishing what lies ahead of me. And, most of it has nothing to do with Moody. God has done amazing work in my life over the past year, and I see Him bring me into a place of wholeness and health... but, in the process I am taking joy in the little victories over self. Such as not giving into self-pity, or anxiety and realizing that my worth is not in what I accomplish, but rather in the fact that I am a daughter of the King. And what do you know... the moment I realize that, I have the most fruitful semester ever.
I am excited to get home. Treva posted pictures of my brother on facebook and my heart instantly ached to hold him. I cannot wait to give him a million kisses.
I'll let you know more later; I have a historical theology paper to write.
lots of love

look how big he is!

Warning...creepers ahead.

2008-12-07T13:44:00.005-06:00

This has been my scearnery for the past week. Note the coffee... writing papers and 2am do not go well together.

We are having a "door decorating contest" on our floor. Due to lack of...um.. money, Andrea and I went for an organic approach; Traders Joe's bags and paint!

I gave no contributions to this work of art. It was all her doing.

It has lyrics to Christmas songs all over it.

.NOW FOR THE CREEPERS.

Ugly Christmas sweaters + Church in the City =

.days.after.

2008-12-01T15:21:00.005-06:00

This past week has been full of fun adventures. I haven't paid much attention to my school work and have jumped into the holiday spirit by spending time with the people that I love. I could go into massive detail about how much fun I have had... but I figured I should let the pictures speak for themselves.

This is one of the only pictures I have from the church retreat last weekend. Sick, I know. We stayed in Lake Geneva at this inexpensive conference center that served amazing food, but whose facilities were...um... nasty. Courtney and Mark had the mattress of death in their room... so, just for kicks they moved it into James and Jesi's room as a welcome present. We all felt bad so ended up moving it into the bathroom instead. It was so nasty, but really funny at the same time.

The retreat in general was amazing. God did amazing things and showed up in really big ways. He is taking me on this journey of healing and health that is at most moments really painful. He removed a huge element of shame from this process in my life and has given me the ability to take joy in the process and learn as he teaches me, so that one day I might lead others as I have been led.

I spent my Thanksgiving with Steve and Debs and a big chunk of people from Church. We had so much yummy food!

I made the cranberry sauce. At home, that is my signature dish. Basically because it is the easiest thing and I know that the chances of me messing it up are slim. But, since I live in a dorm, I didn't have access to a pretty jello mold... so I settled for a Ziploc Throwaway tupperware... It worked, and it was tasty!

This thanksgiving I was most thankful for the family God has placed me in. I have learned that no matter where I am, I am home. I fit in Chicago. I fit at Church in the City. On numerous occasions I have been overwhelmed by the love that God has for me and for this Body he has placed me in. God has given me mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters that have taught me, cared for me, loved me, and supported me. What more could I ask for? I am in a place where I am allowed to make mistakes and to learn.

What is Thanksgiving without a dance party?? The babes put on a nice show for us!

My thanksgiving was amazing.

Friday I slept in ridiculously late and then met Michelle downtown at the German Christmas Market where we we're literally swept off our feet by the crowds. It was fun watching all the people and eating yummy German treats.

After the Market, Michelle and I met Kate at Lincoln Park Zoo to see the annual Zoo LIghts!

(Look how beautiful this city is)

There were the funniest lights all around the zoo! It was obviously family orientated but, we all really enjoyed being goofy and seeing all the animals

Michelle wasn't too happy about this picture.

Saturday night I was determined to actually work on my school work, but when Rachel called for a dinner invite, I let my guard down, and gave in : )

We were all super goofy, as usually. Kate got a kick out of her High School Graduation gift that has become the "sisterhood of the traveling TV"

Ty played background music for us!

Okay, so there you have it. I love this city and the people in it.

I don't love writing papers.... but, a 10 pager is calling my name

: )

Tie-Dye

2008-11-28T14:40:00.003-06:00

Check the Tie-Dye.

Inspired by Andrea.

Yes, I did do it myself.

Don't hate.

f.y.i. I have the most amazing friends ever... and in the past hour I have become Jason Upton's biggest fan.

.stuff.

2008-11-20T16:33:00.003-06:00

So, Here is a general update on life. Chicago is getting colder by the minute and I have forgotten exactly how freaking cold it gets... School is starting to wrap up... less then a month of this semester left... CRAZY. It goes by so fast.

Vanessa and Debs matched at Prayer the other night... Minus the big belly that is Rain. Vanessa is going to be induced on Monday!! I am so excited to see this little one!
Monday night Tommy, Michelle, Rachel and I all went to Kate's recital. She is in the Masters program at DePaul and is brilliant on the Flute. To be honest I wasn't really sure what I was going to think.. since orchestras are not really my thing... but, I was blown away!! She did so good! So... if you want to listen to some amazing music go to the DePaul Symphony Orchestra.

The Four of us grabbed some Coffee at Savor the Flavor before Kate's show. I love these people so much!

I have a thing for shoe pictures

The other day Rachel, Tyler and I got together in an attempt to go see the new 007 movie... Well, it was sold out. bummer. We ended up waiting like half hour for the bus and had a little photo shoot. When the bus FINALLY came we headed back to moody and had a paint night... so much fun!

So... Tyler looks awful... but me and Rach are smokin'

This weekend is our church retreat. I am so excited and I am sure I will post pictures as soon as I get back!

P3 in the ATL

2008-11-14T10:17:00.005-06:00

All Semester I have been saving my cuts so that I would be able to take a one week hiatus from school and go to Atlanta with my Church for a conference. It was amazing. A group of 11 drove 12 hours south to Georgia early monday morning and then returned late Friday night. We spent the week sitting under amazing teachers and learning life altering lessons. It went by so fast!

They needed to do a little stretching after 9 hours in the car....

2 of my favorite Martinsen's. : )

Love her.

Jamie Jame!

The stretching continues!

Me and Jamie looked on as we ate our sandwiches!

Minnie Mouse/ Barista

2008-11-01T18:29:00.003-06:00

For most people working on halloween is not exactly fun, but, I'm not most people. I have been looking forward to working on halloween for the past three weeks. I got permission from my manager to dress up (since I am not allowed to at Moody, I took advantage of any opportunity), and had my mom mail me the Minnie Mouse costume that has been in our family FOREVER.

I love this picture... It looks like Andrea and I are little kids.

Well, I didn't actually take any pictures at work... I figured that might be a little difficult. But, it was so much fun. The Lakeview chamber of Commerce organized a business trick or treat for the kids (it's safer then going house to house) and so from the time I walked in the door until about 7pm there was a constant flow of kids wanting Candy... and parents wanting Coffee for that matter...

I really enjoyed seeing all the cute little costumes... I got a little sick of every mother wanting their child to have their picture taken with Minnie Mouse. At one point this man came in with a MASSIVE camera, I thought he was from the paper or something... but no... he was just a dad who carried around a freakishly large camera and wanted to take tons of pictures of me.

Well, except for that minor detail I loved last night. I worked with Marcus who is one of my favorite co-workers and Tommy came a visited me for a while. Plus, by 8 is was DEAD! So, Marcus and I talked and goofed off and did far too much helium : )

.lots.

2008-10-26T21:46:00.014-06:00

Well lots has been going on in my life lately. School is a bit hectic, I am working a little too much, and I am a bit frazzled but, I love life. I have had the most amazing week. Despite the fact that this has been the busiest week I have had since I started Moody, it has been a so wonderful.

Andrea treated me to a David Wilcox concert. She always listens to him in our room but I have never really been the biggest fan until I heard him in person. His music is so amazing, and meaningful. It was by far one of my most favorite roommate dates.

Over study and reading days Mariah stayed with the little girl she Nanny's for because her parents were out of town.. well, me and Andrea couldn't handle being away from her that long so we decided to have a girls breakfast.

We had french toast (my favorite!) with fresh strawberries and cooked apples... it was so good.

Their house was freezing and so after breakfast and way too much studying the three of us piled into a double bed and watched TV. It made me want a home SO BAD! I am getting a little sick of living in a dorm... who knows.. hopefully in a few months...

Last night was the guys formal open house. They left us a letter instructing us to wear clothes that we could get paint on... since painting is my new thing I was super excited to see what they had planned for us.

Well, as it turns out, the guys are now allowed to paint the main wall in their lobby! So, they gave all the girls paint brushes and told us all to paint buildings that showed off a bit of our personality. It was so much fun!

This would be the final product! I painted the one the says (We <3>

Here is most of the group... Most people had left by the time we finished though..

Sarah and TJ are getting married August 1st! I am so excited!!!!!! Anyways, Sarah was brave and asked me to take their "Save the Date" Photos, so this afternoon we headed to the park and got some amazing shots! This one is my favorite.

Now it is all about Historical Geography! I have three major papers due tomorrow... no joke. I finished one about five hours ago and have a little bit more to do on my Life in Bible Times paper, it is on the Journey of the Spies in Numbers 13. I have really enjoyed writing it, I am learning a lot but it is a lot of hard work.

This is currently what my room looks like. After heading to church dressed as Minnie Mouse this morning (no picture...sorry) for the kids halloween party... i got some interesting looks on the train... I have done nothing but look at books... my eyes needed a break so I figured I would give you all an update!

.artsy.

2008-10-19T21:08:00.002-06:00

Before I left for Moody I had a conversation with Alison about how I didn't really know who I was, or what I liked, and how I hoped that "my college experience" would lead me to find out exactly who God made me. Well, God is faithful. I have become so much more confident in who he created me to be. I have embraced the gifts and talents that he has given me and recognized that I "create," for no other reason then the fact that He created me to be creative. This week has been a week of fun artsy stuff for me. Last Sunday some of my favorite ladies and I went to glazed expressions and painted pottery! It was so much fun. I wish it wasn't so expensive or I would be there all the time.

I painted a plate. And, as you can tell, I was very excited about how it turned out... I can't wait to eat on it!

So, I figured out how to burn paper in a dorm and not get in trouble. (Electric Stove) I was scared I was going to burn the dorm down when I made these, but it was worth it.

Tonight we had a art night in 413. Andrea made a lanyard and baked really yummy granola muffins.

I painted our window. Something that I have wanted to do since last year. So, I finally did it and love how it turned out! (don't worry, it is acrylic paint, so it will wash off at the end of the year.)

The finished product. It looks a lot different with our curtains back up and the sun shining though, but I like it the best at night.

.loved.

2008-10-06T17:26:00.003-06:00

I am so loved. I forget that so easily and slip into self-pity and sorrow... next time remind me of this moment.

I am sitting in Deb's Kitchen, listening to Cayden sing Bob and Larry songs and the girls doing something in the living room, and I am stunned by the goodness of God. Who knew two years ago that I would be where I am, doing what I am doing, living the life I am living. I am so blessed. I am guided by a God who loves me and never lets go of me. He has placed me in a family of safety where I am free to learn and grow; to be a child when I need too, yet still have the freedom to learn how to be a grown-up. He has given me the most amazing group of friends, that have become my sisters; girls who love me and that I love; who know me and that I know. He has placed me at a school where I get to study His word, and grow more and more in love with Him. What more could a girl ask fore. I am smitten by His love for me. I have been swept off my feet by my savior. He has proven His love for me in ways I could have never imagined and He loves me even though I don't deserve His amazing love.

"In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Oh Come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker! For he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand!"

Psalm 95; 4-7

.surprise.

2008-10-01T20:59:00.003-06:00

CITC had a little surprise birthday party for Debs... her face is classic!

.H4N.413.

2008-09-20T17:16:00.003-06:00

Where I live.

.laughter.

2008-09-17T14:51:00.005-06:00

My friends and I laugh too much. If it is possible, we by far break the boundaries of "normal hysteria." We start at 7 in the morning and don't stop until midnight. It doesn't take much to make us laugh either, a silly comment, a stumble down the stairs, a ridiculous boy, or an upcoming event are enough to make all four of us irrupt in uncontrollable laughter. These girls are giving me a six pack.

I have enough confidence to say that we are what friendship is supposed to be like. Duh, we have our issues, but, I have never felt so safe and loved amongst a group of peers as I do around these girls. To feel the unconditional love, that comes straight from the Father, flow from their arms is unworldly. As each day passes, our hearts are knitted tighter and tighter and our relationship continues to grow as it and passes though new and exciting stages of life.

I am so excited to continue to grow up with these girls. Wedding #1 is already on the table, and it has made me realize how much I want these girls in my future. How amazing will it be to look back on this stage of life and say I got to share it with my best friends.

.mask.

2008-09-14T19:55:00.003-06:00

Need I say more.

Just Watch the Video... makes it all so much better

.heartsore.

2008-09-06T15:05:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting in a cafe just off Chicago Ave. Wishing that I was at Wyatts, drinking a hot Hazelnut Chiller with Debbie Lane, getting ready to head to iKhaya for the day and play with my babies. Caty posted some pictures on Facebook that I hadn't seen yet. I couldn't help but cry when I saw their faces, and how much they had grown in the few weeks I have been home. I miss my babies. I miss holding them, feeding them, cuddling them, kissing them.

Being back is hard. Being thrown back into the Chicago life with no adjustment period is even harder. I have been throwing myself into homework partly because I am taking really hard classes and partly because I just don't want to do "the social thing" just yet.

It's not that I hate Moody, or Chicago, or the States. I love them all and I know God has me here at this moment for a reason. But, my heart broke for these kids. I shed tears over them. I lost sleep over them. I became attached to not only the babies, but everyone I met in South Africa. And now, I am gone, and life goes on. My life goes on and their life goes on. That makes my heart hurt, and I don't really know what to do about it.

Mom Weekend

2008-09-03T19:18:00.005-06:00

My Mom came out for the long weekend for a long awaited visit. I hadn't seen her since Africa, so I was very excited to spend some much needed alone time with her, and catch her up on all the latest happenings in my life. The four days she was out here were jam-packed. I'm exhausted to say the least. We went everywhere. I loved showing her around my city and introducing her to my friends. She can finally put faces to all the people I talk about.

On Day 1 we wen to Anne Sathers for breakfast... homemade cinnamon rolls.... yummy

: )

I took her along to the Jazz Fest with the girls, we asked some random lady if she would take a picture for us... and I guess she thought we didn't want my mom in it... but, you can see her hand

We had a picnic of fresh fruit and Mariah's amazing brownies and wired organic dark chocolate.

We have to have a water tower picture

Every-night was like a big sleepover.

At Earwax... one of my favorite places in the city

She took me and the girls out for dinner... so much fun

This photo describes my mom at her best... she didn't take them off until we actually got to the register.

Well, it was a very fun weekend, but I am beat and I have some homework to catch up on, but I wanted to give you all a quick up-date.

Other super quick news:

Health:

They still don't know what is wrong with me. I am feeling better... but still not good. I had some blood work and a chest x-ray done. But, my doctor still hasn't received them (a week later). So, he gave me some new medicine to try and is putting me through some more tests. I'm not excited, but I figure we should try to figure out what is wrong now sooner rather then later. I have to test for parasites this week, but the Dr. thinks I might have a uncommon form of asthma, or it could just be a bad virus. I'll let you know.

Me in general:

I miss Empangeni. Bad. Yesterday was the first day someone asked me how I am adjusting being back. And, the truth is, I feel like I haven't even had a chance to think because I have been so busy. But, I can feel a good cry coming on every-time I start to think about my babies or my family that is halfway across the globe. I'm in need of a Jesus date... maybe Saturday.

I go back to work on monday and then my life gets even more crazy. I'll be working 20 hours a week. Taking 16 credit hours, then attempting to have a social life after that. I'm not to worried I do good in a structured setting with schedules and deadlines... it will probable just take me a few days to adjust.

laundry calls.

More updates soon.

P.S. I'm sending out post South Africa letters... so if I don't have your address please e-mail it to me.

.ready.not set.go.

2008-08-26T06:29:00.004-06:00

I'm right back into it.

back from S.A. on Tuesday

got job back on Wednesday

moved in on Saturday

started school Monday.

I am usually one of those wired people who writes out my class schedule ten times, just so I know it. I make a million lists of things to do and things to buy, just so I can be organized. But, this year has been a bit different. I have pretty much been thrown back into my life with little time to process or re-coupe from the summer. But, hey, it keeps things interesting.

So, in other news, along with amazing memories I brought back a not-so-nice little bug with me from S.A. It started as just a cough, but has transformed into a whole list of symptoms that are pointing to some kind of parasite. sucky. I have a doctors appointment in about an hour where I will be mercilessly poked and probed and questioned and examined, to try and figure out exactly what is going wrong with me. So, needless to say, I have not been feeling that great the past few days. So, please excuse my lack of communication to all those I have failed to call back or even just call.

Some exciting news:

My mom is flying out on Friday. I haven't seen her since before I left for South Africa. I am so excited to have her all to myself for four whole days and spend some quality time with her. I get to show her around the city and introduce her to all my friends. My Chicago life and California life are so seperated, I'm hoping that her being here will bridge the gap a bit.

Classes are good. I have a heavy load this year, so balancing work, school, church and friends is going to be a hard task, but, I have confidence in my abilities. So, I'm sure I will be fine.

For you old Moodys (a.k.a Erica and Ali) here is my crazy life:

Systematic Theology w/Dr.Weber

Life in Bible Times w/Dr.Sigler

Historical Theology w/Dr.Quiggle

Spanish 1 w/Mr.Wilkinson

Church History w/Mr.Varma

Other Stuff: One of my good friends Sarah got engaged this summer, so my five closest friends and I took her out for a little celebration the night before classes started. I missed my girls, so it was really good to see them all at once.

The 1st roommate picture of Fall 08

The Sexy 6 and a Bubble Butt Painting

Mariah and Sarah

BFFL :)

Take # 2

I love you all.

.the.sum.of.it.all.

2008-08-20T06:35:00.008-06:00

This is the sum of my trip.

Tommy took this one, but, I think it i my favorite.

Picking Snalo up from the hospital

Bonga 18 months

Peawe (2 weeks old)

Jabu (18 months)

Amazing Chapel in Cape Town

The Shoes that took me all over South Africa

Bongeni (18 months old)

Debbie Lane, My South African Mom

Matt got a little carried away with the stamps

Beautiful Sunset in Gordens Bay

My Twin Lesley

The most random, but amazing group of tourist.

Driving back from Caledon

Caledon

View from Jo's window

The Point

The sign

in C.T.

So, Pretty.

.hours.

2008-08-17T15:13:00.002-06:00

Count down to the flight home has begun.

I'm bummed. But, I am also excited to see the people I love in the States.

It is freakishly hard to upload pictures, so I will put some up A.S.A.P.

Promise.

.quick.

2008-08-02T05:45:00.002-06:00

I arrived in Somerset West on Tuesday. To be honest I was a bit heart sore about leaving Empangeni. But, I know that God will lead me back if that is his will. Who knows, I might be there sooner rather then later.

I have already begun to build some awesome relationships. The youth here is very sweet and entergetic, I feel right at home with some of the younger girls, again one of my passions.

My cousin Tyler, just happens to be at UCT (University at Cape Town) until December and so I spent some time with him this week. That was a fun and new experience. lots of stories.

So I learned a cool lesson this morning. The girl I am staying with has this green bird that is a little bit feisty and pretty funny. I was just watching it this morning and started laughing. I found so much entertainment just watching this bird dance in it's cage and attack it's toys. I realized that God made that bird for me. I looked out the window and realized He made the ocean for my enjoyment too.

What an amazing God I am in love with. What more could a girl ask for, then to be given the world. The relentless pursuit of God overwhelms me. He is passionately in love with me, constantly seeking to wow my heart, and sweep me off my feet. It's not that difficult of a task for God of the Universe. Yet, He made a silly bird, so that I could have a laugh this morning.

I am so in love with my Savior. His presence with me is so strong, so real. I feel his breath on me, His arms holding me, catching the tears as my heart cries.

"Oh Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable, living things both small and great. There go the ships, and Leviathan which you formed to play in it."
Psalm 104: 24-26

.2.0.

2008-07-27T12:06:00.002-06:00

I'm no longer a teenager. I haven't felt like a teenager for years, so I guess now it is official.

I woke up this morning, and like the past three Sunday mornings I had a cup of tea and read my next letter from Caty. This one got some tears out of me. It is amazing how God works... using something she wrote a month ago to speak to me today. I don't get to open the next one until I am in Madagascar, so... I'll let you know.

So, What did I do on my birthday??
Well, I woke up this morning so peaceful and full of gratitude. I am here. In South Africa, where God wants me, doing what He wants me to do, and I love it.
I headed to Thandaza and was given lots of hugs and birthday wishes by my new friends.
After Church, The Lanes and the Nuemanns took me out to lunch and we all had a nice visit.
This evening, Lesley and Duane came over to have some coffee and cake with me.
Now, I am sitting in the lounge debating if I want to take a bath and go to bed, or just go to bed.

It was a super mellow, but super awesome day. I love the relationships I have built here. Someone prophesied over this trip that the relationships that would be built and bonds that would be formed would last a lifetime and be used in time to come. I can see that already happening.

I really do not want to leave Empangeni. Everyday I add to the list of things I want to do here, or people I want to get to know. I hope God brings me back soon.

I got bit by another spider (or some sort of bug). I think I am just unused to these bugs and so I am having an unusually bad reaction. Hopefully my tolerance will be built up and next time little bugs bites will stay little. This time it bite me right on top of my left hand. It is pretty swollen and so it is hard for me to move my pinkie and ring finger. I have been putting some Tea Tree oil on it and taking some allergy medicine to reduce swelling, but if it doesn't improve soon I'll have to go back to the doctor. Please pray. I don't want to have to spend more money or waste more time at a doctors office.

Sorry I have been unable to post pictures. I cannot connect to the Internet on my computer, so I have been using the family computer which doesn't have any of my pictures on it. As soon as I can I promise I will.

I love you all lots.
I have lots of stories.

.just.do.it.

2008-07-26T03:09:00.003-06:00

I want to adopt. I want more people to adopt. I found myself frustrated with people lately. Maybe it is because I am young and "don't understand the responsibility," but, come on people! How hard is it to love an innocent child who has been beaten by the world because they were born to bad circumstances. Taking care of these children is pure religion, loving those that need love the most is what Jesus came to do. We are to be like Him. Ah, I am so frustrated. I don't understand. What is the hold-up! God is not going to split the skies and write "ADOPT" on your forehead because He has already told you in His Word! IT IS RIGHT THERE. That is reason enough to give.
Get off your bums, open your hearts and your homes, and adopt.

.lizard.

2008-07-21T11:21:00.006-06:00

Mark and Cindy took me to a Game Park yesterday. I felt like a little kid. Gods creation excites me. Gods goodness excites me.

I laid in bed last night, half afraid that a lizard was going to crawl across me face, and half afraid that I wouldn't fall asleep because of the unseen lizard; I burst into laughter realizing how humorous I was. I feel the pleasure of God upon me, I feel him smiling on me. I am in His will; it is so freeing. A woman at Thandaza prayed over me. She said that I walk very close to God, and that I feel His presence. She was so right. I have not been lonely at all in the past few weeks, I am pressing into Him, finding my comfort and companionship in Him.

Another lesson learned

I walk around every corner and look into the unseen with the anticipation of Gods hand. He destined me for this, His purposes have brought me here, to this moment, to this day. I fear my heart might burst as His love fills me up, consuming me.

Caty wrote me some letters to read on my trip; one a week. I wake up early on Sunday mornings, take a shower, drink some tea and read a letter from my friend. The latest was about the irrational absurdity of Gods love and plans to our limited human minds. I cannot even begin to fathom the depths of His love. It leaves me on my toes. I just want more of Him.

On other notes: News
South Africa is all that I expected and more.
I gave up a week in Somerset West to stay in Empangeni over my birthday
I got bit by a nasty Spider, but don't freak out mom, I am taking medicine
When I leave, I hope it is only to come back soon.

The red dirt is getting into my veins. These children are tugging on my heart. I just hope I don't have to wait another 5 years.

I love you all
Lacy

i.heart.thandaza.

2008-07-19T10:15:00.001-06:00

I have fallen in love with Empangeni, so I decided to stay an extra week.

.heartbreak.

2008-07-11T10:16:00.005-06:00

This is a five year old little boy at the State hospital. He was stick thin and had sores on his mouth. I can't say anything else. My heart broke.

This is the grandmother of the boy above.

He kept licking his lips, I thought he was trying to stick his toung out at me, he was actually very thirsty.

It was releaving to see a child with a broken arm or leg.

I have no words. I think the pictures are enough.

I have been looking forward to helping out here for the past 6 months.
Bongi is on the left and Bongini is on the right.
Bongi, he loves to give kisses and is quite the charmer
It took a lot to get him to smile but it was so worth it.
the home for the babies and caretaker

I arrived in Empangeni yesterday morning. I am staying with Debbie and Barry Lane who are close friends of Steve and Debs. I clicked with Debbie already and she has quickly become my friend. They have two children, Matt who is 18 and Jodie who is 13. They are both very fun and I have enjoyed spending time with them.

Well, My week in Pretoria was very nice, I didn't do to much but, I enjoyed building realationships with people in the church and I learned some valuable lessons as well. But, after a week of being taken care of I was more then ready to get to work, and be of some use. Shortly after I arrived Debbie took me to iKaya LikaBaba, the home for abandoned babies run by Thandaza. They are currently housing two babies, Bongi and Bongini. Bongi is a happy baby with long eye lashes and chubby cheeks but, his tummy is swollen from malnutrition. I believe he was found in the sugar cane and has been at the home a few months. Bongini was also found in the sugar cane fields. When he was found he was bad condition, his tummy was also swollen from malnurtition and because of a Zinc dificiance his whole body was covered in dry, patchy, itchy skin, He could not even close his hands or open his eyes becasue his skin was in such bad condition. Now at iKaya LikaBaba he has recived love, care and medical attention. His face, arms and legs have recovered but his torso is still very dry and covered in flaky scales.

This morning Debbie, Jodie and myslef went to the childrens ward at the State hospital. I have no words. My soul cried as I asked God why and was filled with His compassion. I can try to wordy and express what I felt, but it wont work. God was there. Thats all I can say. Maybe when I come home I will be able to articulate it better.

I don't have a picture, but I saw God in the infants ward. When we first walked in I saw a young woman sitting by the bed of what looked like a newborn little girl. I made eye contact with her as I past and in the pit of my stomach I felt God. I kept walking but she pleged my mind. On the way back I asked Debbie if I could stop and talk with her. I went past the plexie glass doors alone and huged her. It was the only thing that felt right. I sat down next to her and we wraped our arms around eachother. She spoke Zulu and I spoke english but, I found out that she was 23, this was her first child, a little girl who was 3 months old and has been in the hospital since monday. We sat and looked at the barle 4lb little girl who looked like she could be mine and my mind raced with this girls circumstances might be. We bonded, but then I had to leave. She is my friend, my sister. We live thouands of miles apart, come from two diffrent worlds and languages. But, that is the way God works. right?

.lacker.

2008-07-07T23:39:00.005-06:00

The body of Christ amazes me. The moment I begin to miss family, I look around and realize that I am surrounded by my everlasting family. I can say that, that is lesson # 1; Anywhere I go, I will be at home when that body of Christ surrounds me. The tender love of Christ is carrying me through His bride, of which I am a part of. It's a baffling thought; human comprehension can hardly fathom its reality, but I am amazed by the beauty of it.
The past week has been filled with laughs, food, new words, new people, freezing tents, food, lots of tea, the zoo, and more food. Note: The travel nurse told me not to eat raw meat, ice cream, or lettuce, all of which I have done (the raw meat was not on purpose). My body is still functioning properly.
Sunday at 3ci was amazing. They win the NCMI award for most decoration. We arrived two hours before the service was to start, and the on duty small groups went at it. They had fresh flowers all over, they hung paintings and wine bottles (I'll explain later), it was intense. Helen told me a story of how they build a river in the tent once. Oh, and not to mention when they pretty much imported London for Nick and Glendas going away party. When worship started... wow. It was like the LTT all over again. Every moves to the front and dances and sings, I don't know what it is about moving away from your seat but it sets unity ablaze. After the morning service we went to lunch with Collin and Yakamin and their kids at Spurs (kind of like Chuck E Cheese but the restaurant is separate). Collin is one of the elders, I had a wonderful time speaking with him about the church in the US and about the beauty of Jesus. He was so encouraging and welcoming, and I saw a glimpse of Jesus in him. After lunch me and Helen took a quick snooze before heading back for the evening service. Note: I love that concept, Morning and Evening, almost everyone goes to both and most people have lunch together in-between, it's like a huge family day. The night session was just as amazing as the morning. I felt a bit more confidant and so I had a much easier time talking with new people and making new friends.
Yesterday was Helen and Russell's day off, so we went to the zoo. We had to drive though down town pretoria, which was a wild life experience. I wanted so badly to get out and walk around, but it just wasn't safe. The zoo was so much fun. Helen, Russell and I have broken past the "be super polite" faze and moved into the "holy banter" faze, so the day was filled with laughter. Last night they took me to Tuscan grill, it is like a really nice buffet with a TON of food. I told them I would try everything, and I did. Except Cow stomach, I just couldn't handle that. : )
I am spending today with Ina and Adel, Dave and Kathy's family. I am not sure where we are going, I heard rumors of a game park, but I am not sure.
I have two more days in Pretoria then I head to Emapngeni! I am very excited to work with all of their ministries. I will keep you posted.
Lots of love.
Lacy

Somehow I got stuck right smack in the middle of the plane. Seat 18G. I made new friend though. On my left was Peter, a gay commercial director who told me how much Delta wastes. And on my Right was Steve a Board member of the Southern Baptist Convention who was on his way to Zambia to set up a medical clinic.

This is Menlyn's. A Huge Mall, with glass floors.

3ci's new tent.

Inside the tent

See Marcus, I know where the embassy is.

Pretoria skyline from the freaking scary cable car

Helen, Russell and I

So pretty much, there is just a little wire gate, a ditch and then the lion.

Hippos are responsible for more human deaths then any other animal.

I was really tempted to pet the monkey but, Helen said it would bite me.

left at the zoo.

I'm Here.

2008-07-05T05:01:00.000-06:00

I'm in South Africa.
More updates to come.
Promise.

.count.down.

2008-06-30T16:28:00.002-06:00

I leave for South Africa in less then 48 hours.

And I got my nose pierced.

.giggle.

2008-06-13T23:43:00.001-06:00

Please enjoy.

This gives me a good laugh.

.life.

2008-06-13T11:09:00.002-06:00

I'm in California
I'm still not tan
I'm bought a backpack for Africa
I'm so excited for Africa
I'm hanging out with Ali tonight
I miss CITC and my girls
I go in the pool far to much
I'm having fun
the end

.tan.

2008-06-10T16:31:00.004-06:00

today

I spent 8 hours in a plane

and 2 hours by the pool

so worth it

.art.

2008-06-02T16:55:00.002-06:00

Learning about myself: Lesson #14

If I do not have some outlet for artistic expression I get depressed.

I packed my paints.

I bought a sketchbook and some colored pencils today.

I'll let you know how is goes.

.so.far.

2008-05-27T12:14:00.004-06:00

I am getting as little taste of Independence... a little taste. There is not much exciting news from me, only work, church, and no school.

I love the Church.

There is a safety in the arms of this community that is so unhuman. I have had this unwarranted fear lately that people will think "bad" of me because I have been on the receiving side of things for awhile, and yet feel as though I have not fully given. I realized last Sunday, as I broke into tears as Kathy and Courtney prayed for me that, that is totally okay. It is totally okay to just go through what I am going through. And, right now I am going through a hard time. Nothing in particular makes it difficult, it is just a season of growth, healing and expectation and sometimes it hurts, and that's okay. I am allowed to hurt.

Other News

I love my Job.

Yesterday was probably one of the funnest days at Starbucks that I have ever had. I closed, so after a sweet hang out time with Mariah, I clocked in at 4pm. I got paid double time, which is awesome, and worked with Marcus, my most favorite co-worker... well one of them : )

By 5 the store was dead, so we sat on the counters (that is a big no-no) and talked about life. I had a chance to share a little bit about what God has done in my life, and he got to tell me why is so resistant to any "religion." It was a good convo that ended with a two person dance party to the new 80's mix (I have a new love for The Police). Anyways, we were headed for an early close, then the most comical and slightly irritating thing happen. One of our regulars came in and ordered 14 frappachinos ten minutes before we closed.

No joke.

Over $60 in frappachinos.

So we went to work and ended up not getting out of there until almost 10.

But, we had fun.

Other news. I leave for South Africa in a little over 35 days.

Crazy.. I still can't believe this is happening, God is so good to me.

So, that is my summer so far.

. community .

2008-05-20T15:14:00.001-06:00

summer.update.

2008-05-17T16:25:00.002-06:00

Well friends and family I have finished my sophomore year of college!!! I am so happy it is summer... the next few months have quite a bit in store for me and I am so excited to experience amazing new things....

I don't have much time to write... so here is a quick update.

I am out of the dorms and staying with my friend Kate in her super cute studio apartment in Logan Square. I am working as much as I can and saving $$ for South Africa.

I changed my major.. I am now a Bible major... I decided that I didn't like women enough to be a women's ministry major...

I am currently at a little cafe west on Chicago Ave. called Mercury Cafe... they have free wireless, so I am taking advantage... I am babysitting some kids from the church tonight so I am trying to down my Turkey pesto sandwich and apple izze before 5:45... so I must go, but I will tell you more later.

Lace

.south.africa.support.video.

2008-05-06T15:33:00.001-06:00

My friend Tommy made this video for me so that I could better communicate the amazing opportunity I have this summer. I am so excited!

.5.

2008-05-04T17:58:00.005-06:00

My Friends

.create.

2008-04-28T09:40:00.004-06:00

This weekend was a blast. First, on Friday, I decided to tap into my God given creative abilities and began to paint random pictures I had in my head (see picture below). It actually turned out really well. I am very proud of myself and my new found talent.

Then on Saturday night, My school hosted a County Fair in the Plaza. Yes, a county fair in the plaza. They had lazzer tag, a rock climbing wall, a foot-ball blow up thing, a velcro wall, a band, snow-cones, cotton candy, random games involving fish and balloons, bobbing for apples and lot and lots of food. It was a blast.

Then on Sunday, I hung out with Becca and Cayden while Steve and Debs signed their new lease! Yay! They are such awesome kids and I love spending time with them!

Sunday night was open house. Mariah and Andrea made African food and Zach, Mark, and Kyhl came over for dinner. Kyhl and I busted out the marshmallow guns and had a full blown war... against everyone else who were completely unarmed... it was great. The night ended with me and Kathleen getting in a powdered sugar fight in the kitchen. I won. She was covered in white.

So great.

Yes, this would be Skanking in the Moody Plaza. It's Skanking... not dancing.

: )

.Freedom.

2008-04-10T09:35:00.002-06:00

.no.words.can.describe.it.

Willa

2008-04-05T15:45:00.004-06:00

Today I met Willa; she was sitting outside of my Starbucks, with her head tucked inside her brown and white striped, long sleve shirt polo shirt like a turtle. She fell asleep while enjoying the sun. Today was beautiful. She is 45 years-old; I'm a baby compared to her. Her favorite color is Navy Blue because it reminds her of the ocean. She has no family and her teeth are rotted from lack of care and drugs. She can't understand why Starbucks wastes so much coffee; nither can I. She is from Canton, Ohio but tragety brought her to Chicago; she didn't want to talk about it. She is my new friend and I love her already.

rainboots

2008-03-31T14:52:00.003-06:00

Today has been gloomy. The sky has periodically drizzled little tears of spring all over this campus, but it is no doubt that they are about to break forth with a full force wail of rain drops. But, despite the anticipation of thunder it has been relatively warm. I am not usually the one to make analogies, but, today I will go ahead and do so. The Chicago weather is a pretty good descriptor of where I am at the moment. Gloomy yet pleasant. You see, life has been a bit vague for me the past few weeks; a cloud of fog and sparkles that seem to swirl around me occasionally nocking me over. But, today I can smile a real smile. During worship on Sunday we sang "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong. I must say I entered the Pulaski Fine Arts Academy (where my church meets) with a bit of hardness. My Bible has been collecting a bit of dust over the past few weeks and so my heart has become a little callused to the compassion and wisdom I seem to always have. We began singing and in an attempt to save myself from drowning in my own self-pity I began to pray. "Lord, I know that I have not been the best Christian lately, but, I really do love you, and I really do want to be more like you. I am so sorry for being lame and stupid. I want to worship you for real, I don't want to lift my hands and pretend. Please..." God interrupted my thoughts."Lacy, you do not have to clean-up to worship me. I want you just as you are. I love you just as you are. Your allowed to go through trials, and your allowed to go through hard times. Take time to grow. I am here." With that I was freed from my burdens. I lifted my hands and declared boldly that my God has conquered the grave! So I am choosing to do the best I can, and have the best attitude I can. After all, it is the heart that matters. Plus, I got to wear my rain-boots today.

Spring Break '08

2008-03-15T18:27:00.045-06:00

2008

I headed home for Spring Break with a mix of excitement and dread.

Breaks are usually more trying on me then they are restful and so, in an attempt to prepare myself, I attempted to curb my excitement. By the third day I was ready to go back to Chicago; I was already immersed in the family drama and feeling the effects of a vanity driven society; I wanted to retreat to my bubble. On Thursday morning I finally got some alone time. My step-dad needed a ride his doctor in Temecula and so while he was seen I headed to Starbucks. I got out my journal and just started writing. "Lord, you are my everything. It doesn't matter what other people think of me. I know what you think about me. Oh God, please heal my heart quickly, sometimes the pain is just too much." I sat outside, on the black rod iron

chairs and watched the cars drive up and down Winchester road. Suddenly God spoke to me. "Lacy, it is your choice. You can choose to focus on the bad, or you can focus on the good. It is up to you." I thought for a moment and then picked up my pen, and wrote a list of all the things I have enjoyed over break thus far.

This is what I came up with.

Waking up next to Chris and seeing him smile
Doing awkward things while talking to Mariah
Talking to Mariah
Going down the slide with Boston
being called MiMi
not doing homework
Driving nowhere in-particular with Nathan
Quoting Scream line for line with Jessica
Driving and listening to my amazing roommate mix
Wearing skirts and
tank tops
eating pinkberry
Getting an amazing tattoo
Catching up on movies.
Sleeping in a queen sized bed
My Faimly Sign
Dying my mom's hair
Caty fixing my mom's hair
Gwen's Fish mailbox
Seeing Moody Friends in California
Getting Car's stuck in church parking lots
attempting toget Tommy back to Biola
Driving on Greenwald
Listening to music really loud
Burning CD's with my Mom
Seeing Katy's beautiful wedding dress
Buying Green with Katy
Sleeping in ridiculously late
Judging Elementary School Talent Shows
Eating Sushi
Celebrating my mom's birthday
going shopping
driving too fast
Watching the National Geographic Channel
being able to see the stars
eating Warheads with my niece
burping with Boston
snuggling with Josiah
learning about carpentry and a million other things from Willy
Shopping and being silly with Alison
having a pretend Passover
getting amazing hugs from
all I can say is "peaches" with Katy and Katie
going to Denny's
Dancing in the middle of the road
Having movie dates with my mom
being goofy with Mrs. Jolly
Being with the Bravenec's on Easter
Seeing my long lost cousin
Wearing my new Easter Dress
Watching reality shows with Bridgitte
Having a random photo-shoot with my niece and nephew
Learning of God's tenderness
Staying up all night with Chris
Going on long walks and getting just a bit lost

Now I am back at Moody and ready to face what is next; homework. While I was excited to get back into my routine, it was hard to leave home knowing that every time I leave and come back California becomes less and less of "home" to me. When I was headed home from work yesterday on the train my mind, as usual, began to wander and I began to think of all the aspects of my life. there are so many things I want to "fix" now, so many aspects of who I am, that do not reflect Christ, that I want to be changed over night. God, in his gentleness reminded my that I am only 19 and that life change happens over time, not over night. So, I sat in my bed last night and read Psalm 3:4-5 over and over again, "I cried aloud to the Lord, and He answered me from His Holy Hill. I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me." God is sovereign no matter what. He is the reason I go to sleep at night and wake in the morning. Nothing is out of his grasp and no aspect of my life is outside of His control. I rest in knowing that I serve a loving God who has pre-planed my days and looks on me with love and kindness.

arms.

2008-03-08T23:07:00.003-06:00

Last-night on the drive home, after my dad picked me up from the airport, I had a minor panic. I was sitting in the backseat of Brigitte's white Volvo holding Chris' sleepy head up and thought, "what the heck am I doing?" I realized that I was seating behind the man that caused me so much harm, and so much pain in my childhood, yet, it has never been addressed. I looked at Chris and realized how much I couldn't protect him. I looked out the window and watched as the landscape became further and further away as my dad drove up the windy roads to Lake Gregory pretending to be a nascar driver. My Spirit cried out. "Where can I find rest? There is no rest here, with my dad. There is no rest at home with my mother. Lord, Where can I find peace while I am so alone in the place?" My amazing Savior in his love and unimaginable kindness answered me in the sweetest of words. "Lacy, no matter where you are, there is always rest in my arms." My heart stopped racing, and my eyes began to tear up as the reality that my God loves me and cares for me set in once again.

So, tonight at dinner, after watching movies all day, I talked to my Dad about South Africa. Brigitte and him didn't really understand, I didn't expect them to. I couldn't answer their questions and I couldn't explain why I "couldn't just help people in the US," all I could say is that I am going where God wants me and that is what matters. I rested in that. I don't care what they think.

Now I am sitting on my bed with my little brother sleeping next to me and my dad across the room knowing that I am safe because my God is with me. He will always be with me.

Bright Eyes

2008-03-08T16:40:00.004-06:00

This is what I saw first thing this morning (hence why I look like I just woke up.. I did)

Made my day.

4

2008-02-29T22:41:00.007-06:00

Today was my 4th birthday.

4 years ago, On a sunny Sunday morning I sat in the third row of the auditorium at Temescal Canyon High School and decided to live my life for Jesus. Since February 29th only happens once every four years, this was my first actual "Spiritual Birthday" and an amazing road marker in my walk with Jesus.

To Celebrate, I spend the night with one of my most favorite people in Chicago, Mariah.

We went to Starbucks and treated ourselves to yummy lattes and treats.

We took a few silly pictures too.

Silly Picture #1

Silly Picture #2

Silly Picture # 3

As usual, Mariah and me got caught up in conversation and missed dinner during our celebration at Starbucks. We both had grumbling tummies, so in determination to find a solution and easy our tummy rumbles, we headed to Ed Debevics. On our walk there the sky was painted pink and purple and the most amazing clouds were floating over us. I do believe that this was a special gift to me on my special day.

: )

This is how I felt.

So I have heard a lot about Ed's but I have never actually been there. You see, Ed's has a reputation for crappy service and random outburst of dance.... But, because of our tummies, Mariah and I were determined to brave it. We had a blast.

I left with an awesome souvenir of my amazing day.

Check out our waitress... and the crazy white boy.

Toga Party

2008-02-25T23:18:00.004-06:00

So, for open house last Saturday, my floor decided to host a toga party for our brother floor. We went all out. Pillars were hanging from the ceiling, we ate amazing greek food, and played "olympic" games. It was such a blast... I asked my RA if we could play root-beer pong, but, she said no.... I still think it would have been funny

: )

Lacy Goes to Roach

2008-02-17T22:32:00.004-06:00

I spent the majority of Valentines Day on a train. My friend Rachel moved to Roach, Missouri last semester, and so I decided to go see her. Yea... Roach. It was a blast. I missed Rachel a lot and so it was so good to see her.

The Train ride there was 8 hours. It really wasn't that bad, I kept myself occupied with movies and homework. On the way back we got delayed a bunch of times and so I ended up being on the train for 11 hours... that was pretty sucky.

"Let My People Go!"

This is my Moses Picture

Ha Ha Tonka National Park.

Rachel

I had such a blast, but it definitely took a toll on me. I started feeling sick on the train ride back and after church today I went way down hill. I called my mom, and because I had a fever and a nasty cough she made me go to the ER. So, Juli, my RA, took me to NorthWestern Medical Center. I hate hospitals! They poked me and probed me. I got an IV and a Chest X-Ray and then was finally diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and the flu. So, I am not allowed to go to class or work tomorrow... which I am actually not to happy about. My roommate is taking good care of me, and I am on some anti-biotic's now so I should get better soon.